DOO 



ANNUAL REGISTER, 1809. 



forms the Iiopes and happiness of 

 two-lhinls of his fellow-citizens, I 

 mean the possession of a country- 

 house. 



Influenced by my wife and fa- 

 mily, and by the physician and 

 apothecary, who, I verily believe, 

 were in league with them, to per- 

 suade me that London, at this sea- 

 son of the year, is very pernicious 

 to the health, and on Sundays ab- 

 solutely fatal to human life and 

 liappincss ; I say, Sir, teased, tor- 

 mented, and half convinced by 

 these arguments, in an evil hour 

 I took a country-house — a house. 

 Sir, in which I was taught to be- 

 lieve that I could enjoy the calm 

 pleasures of rural solitude, un- 

 ruffled by the buz of promiscuous 

 society, and the many external and 

 discordant noises which disturb the 

 auricular faculties of the Lon- 

 doners. 



A country-house I took, and 

 that it might be the more cnnve' 

 vient, within five miles of the me- 

 tropolis, close to a road through 

 which coaches were hourly passing 

 and re- passing, so that any of my 

 family might have a cast, as it is 

 called, at a very trifling expense, 

 besides the great convenience of 

 errand-carts, return-chaises, and 

 other vehicles for lumber or plea- 

 sure. 



But, Sir, let no quiet citizen 

 henceforth hire a house that is 

 beset with so many conveniencies, 

 and let him J^now by my hard fate, 

 that the conveniencies he enjoys 

 may be enjoyed by others ; that 

 the carriages that are hourly pass- 

 ingand repassing mayconveylhose 

 whom he does not wish to see, and 

 that a house within five miles of 

 London, on a public road, is a fair 

 mark for loungers, idlers, and 



consumers of time and provisions. 

 I had not been quietly settled a 

 fortnight at my country-house, 

 when I found it turned into an inn, 

 or a Sunday ordinary, a cale- 

 house, a tea-drinking place, and, 

 in short, every ihmg but what I 

 intended. 



In an evil hour I praised the 

 conveniencies of my house— How 

 could my friends believe me with- 

 out xvitiiessin<j; them ? I spoke of 

 my lofty rooms — they must dine, in 

 them; of my excellent bed-cham- 

 bers — they must stay a night with 

 me ; of my garden and fruit — they 

 must pluck it xvith their own 

 hands ; of my fine arclied cellar — 

 they must taste my xvine ; and of 

 the many pleasant rides in the 

 neighbourhood — they must come 

 dovon for a toeck ! 



I vainly hoped for one day of 

 quiet. Sunday, emphatically styled 

 a day of rest, I thought I could 

 depend upon. Alas! Sir, it is 

 with me a day of bustle and per- 

 plexity. AlthoMgh I have neither 

 licence nor profits, I am all day 

 providing for my guests, who are so 

 good natured as to praise the con- 

 tents of my pantry and my cellar in 

 the most extravagant terms. 1 here 

 is no port in the country equal to 

 mine ; my Madeira is better cal- 

 culated for gouty habits than any 

 that ever passed the line: and my 

 hock is so healthful in hot weather, 

 and so little disposed to turn acid 

 on the stomach, that the greatest 

 compliment they can pay me is to 

 use it as a substitute for malt li- 

 quor ! 



Sir, I once tried what an early 

 hour would do. Loving to have 

 all my children and grand-children 

 about me on Sunday, I fixed my 

 dinner-hour at three o'clock, fond- 



