180 MAJOR W. HODSON. 



the past ten years again, I would do precisely as I 

 have done, untaught by the past ' ? But one thing 

 I can say, that I have acted to the best of my 

 powers, for what I believed to be the true interests 

 of those committed to my charge, without selfish- 

 ness or self-seeking, and that I never sacrificed what 

 I believed to be my duty to any private feelings or 

 considerations whatever. The blow has been, as 

 you may conceive, a very bitter one for my darling 

 wife : she naturally feels the reverse most acutely, 

 and coming as it did upon the terrible grief we had 

 to bear in the loss of our only babe, her life has been 

 terribly embittered, nor has her health escaped un- 

 injured. For myself, I have to be thankful for good 

 health, and that I am quartered in a healthy hill 

 climate near Simla." 



In the latter part of September he was getting a 

 little stronger upon his ankle, but still unable to do 

 more than walk about the house. 



On November 6 he writes of his yearning for a 

 visit home : " But I am obliged to check all such 

 repinings and longings, and keep down all canker 

 cares and bitternesses, and set my teeth hard, and 

 will earnestly to struggle on and do my allotted 

 work as well and cheerfully as may be, satisfied that 

 in the end a brighter time will come." 



He still caught at every opportunity of trying to 

 get justice done him by the Punjab Government. 

 But the following letter from Captain Eichard 

 Lawrence closed the door to all further efi*orts in 

 that direction : — 



" November 20. 



"My dear Hodson, — I duly laid your letter be- 

 fore the Chief Commissioner, and he desires me to 



