PLAYING WAR 29 



situation, for my dream of war was realized, I was caught up on 

 the shoulders of a sturdy slave and carried home. This treat- 

 ment remains the humiliation of my life. 



As I had no playmates who satisfied my fancy of what a play- 

 mate should be, my time was passed in playing alone. As war 

 was in my heart it expressed itself in endlessly building fortifi- 

 cations of clay and arming them with guns laboriously made 

 of keys, the wheels cut from spools, and the rest of the carriages 

 whittled as best I could do. The old-fashioned large hollow key, 

 with the hole a third of an inch in diameter, properly managed 

 with a file, can be concocted into a miniature cannon which will 

 "go off." My ambition not satisfied with these small affairs, I 

 filched a pair of horse pistols from my father's office, razeed them 

 with the file, and with no end of well-concealed labor done in 

 my hiding-place in a barn, converted them into rather pretty 

 diminutive field-pieces which were able to do real damage. My 

 father, who had a fancy for developing new varieties of melons, 

 had a new patch with sundry fine specimens nearly ripe. On 

 these I turned my guns with such effect that they were all shat- 

 tered. 



Although I had no constant playmates in these years of imag- 

 inary war, I did not feel the need of them because my imaginary 

 companions were numerous, and much more to my taste than 

 the lads with whom I might have associated. They were all 

 much older than myself, all for a time soldiers, great heroes 

 who admitted me most graciously to share their mighty deeds, 

 with the implicit understanding that I should not tell any one 

 about it all. To have an ordinary, commonplace boy, even if he 

 were years older than myself, imposed on this heroic society 

 was revolting. So I played in company with an unseen host, as 

 many children do, and got thereby much enjoyment. 



It must not be supposed that because I lived in imaginary 

 war I was naturally a brave lad ; far from it. Up to my twelfth 

 year I was absurdly timid. Alongside of this dream of war there 

 dwelt a world of fear of the dark, of all beyond the field of view, 



