The Merry Past 



Another couple going to be married were at the 

 church door, when the prospective bridegroom stopped 

 the charming creature who hung on his arm, and said, 

 " Dearest, during our courtship I have told you 

 most of my mind, but I have not told you the whole. 

 When we are married I shall insist upon three things." 

 " What are they ? " asked the lady. " In the first 

 place," said the bridegroom, " I shall sleep alone, I 

 shall eat alone, and find fault when there is no oc- 

 casion. Can you submit to these conditions ? " 

 " Oh, yes, sir, very easily," was the reply ; " for, if 

 you sleep alone, I shall not ; if you eat alone, I shall 

 eat first ; and as to your finding fault without oc- 

 casion, that, I think, may be prevented, for I will 

 take care you shall never want occasion." 



Those were not prudish days, and there was a 

 good deal of plain speaking. 



A married couple, determined to part, were 

 not able to agree with respect to the disposition of 

 the children; to settle the matter they referred the 

 dispute to an aunt, by whose arbitration they re- 

 spectively agreed to abide. 



" We have three children," said the husband. " I 

 insist on keeping two ; the third shall be left to the 

 care of its mother." " But I," said the latter, 

 " have a right to two ; the care of one will be more 

 than sufficient for you." 



" There is no way of settling this dispute," said 

 the aunt, in a tone of the utmost gravity, " but by 

 increasing the number of your children to four." 



This decision produced a laugh, and restored good 



269 



