1903] Recollections of Pope Leo X 65 



sins, and if I had been unmarried, I should have attempted to join 

 some religious order as a desperate protection against my own unbelief. 

 As it was I indulged dreams of living as custode to some church of 

 the many churches in and about Rome. It was in this mood that 

 Monsignor Stonor suggested that I should have an audience with the 

 Pope, and he without difficulty procured me one. I had brought my 

 old diplomatic uniform with me, I know not with what prevision, 

 and it was in that dress that I went to the Vatican, where I was 

 received by the Papal household with marked distinction. They 

 thought, I believe, that I had some diplomatic mission, for Pope Leo 

 was highly interested in the idea of a renewal of diplomatic relations 

 with our Foreign Office, and so I was admitted to the most private 

 of private audiences. Be this as it may, my reception by His Holi- 

 ness was of a kind which surprised and touched me almost to be- 

 wilderment when I heard the door shut behind me, and I found my- 

 self absolutely alone with one so nearly divine, if there was divinity 

 anywhere to be found on Earth. The vision that I saw before me 

 was that of a little old man of wonderful dignity, clad in white and 

 seated on a low throne, his face pale, but lit with luminous dark eyes, 

 which seemed to hold all knowledge of this world and the other, the 

 figure of a Saint, and at the same time of one who knew the world, 

 and, strange to say, reminding me of that wonderful figure of Voltaire 

 seated in his chair at the Theatre Francais, for the attitude was the 

 same, bending towards me with a look of inquiring kindliness. When I 

 had kissed his feet he raised me up, though I continued kneeling, 

 and on his invitation spoke to him about Ireland. What he then 

 said has been already related (see my 'Land War in Ireland'), but 

 what I have not said and what I cannot here altogether say is, 

 that the personal interest he seemed to take in me, for he continued 

 to hold my left hand with his own right hand and to press it to his 

 knee, gave me the courage to speak of my own spiritual affairs as in 

 a confessional, and to ask his help. He could not give me all I asked, 

 but when I left him it was in tears. I had been with him for over 

 twenty minutes, and the chamberlains, when I found myself outside 

 the audience chamber, cast on me eyes of reproval for having been 

 so long, and they seemed to guess to such little public purpose. 



" 6th Aug. — Newbuildings. Mohammed Abdu arrived from Egypt 

 yesterday with his brother Hamouda, and I drove them to-day to 

 Crabbet and back, calling at Forest Cottage on our way, where I found 

 Button with his mother and his wife, and his beautiful little daughter 

 Daphne. He told me much that was interesting of the new Pope, 

 Cardinal Sarto, while he was Patriarch at Venice, where Button has 

 been for some time living. He spoke also of our King Edward, who 

 has come to be looked upon abroad as the greatest diplomatist of the 



