520 RELIGIOUS DEVELOPMENT-I 



soothing us in our sorrows, comforting us in our disap 

 pointments, and carrying us through our sicknesses. She 

 used great common sense in her care of us ; kindly and 

 gentle to the last degree, there was one thing she would 

 never allow, and this was that the children, even when 

 they became quite large, should be out of the house, in 

 the streets or public places, after dark, without an elderly 

 and trusty companion. Though my brother and I used 

 to regard this as her one fault, it was really a great ser 

 vice to us; for, as soon as dusk came on, if we were 

 tempted to linger in the streets or in public places, we 

 returned home, since we knew that if we did not we 

 should soon see her coming to remind us, and this was, 

 of course, a serious blow to our pride. 



When, then, I sat in church and heard our mediaeval 

 saint preach with ardor and unction, Sunday after Sun 

 day, that the promises were made to the church alone; 

 that those outside it had virtually no part in God s good 

 ness ; that they were probably lost, I thought of this dear, 

 sweet old lady, and my heart rose in rebellion. She 

 was certainly the best Christian I knew, and the idea that 

 she should be punished for saying her prayers in the 

 Presbyterian Church was abhorrent to me. I made up 

 my mind that, if she was to be lost, I would be lost with 

 her ; and soon, under the influence of thoughts like these, 

 I became a religious rebel. 



The matter was little helped when our good rector 

 preached upon retribution for sin. He held the most ex 

 treme views regarding future punishment ; and the more 

 he developed them, the more my mind rejected the idea 

 that so many good people about me, especially the one 

 whom I loved so much, could be subjected to such tortures, 

 and the more my heart rebelled against the Moloch who 

 had established and was administering so horrible a sys 

 tem. I must have been about twelve years old when it 

 thus occurred to me to question the whole sacred theory ; 

 and this questioning was started into vigorous life after 

 visiting, with some other school-boys, the Presbyterian 



