110 



GLEANINGS IN BEE CULTURE 



Mar. 



away any more. I went in as if nothing had 

 happened, and the two women never dreamed 

 of the battle that had just been fought and 

 lost. In the evening, I walked home with 

 her; she had come down only because I had 

 almost insisted, the day before, that she 

 should come. My friends, I wish to be 

 clearly understood' in this matter. I have 

 not come before you with a confession of 

 crime, and that I may be (dearly understood, 

 I will speak plainly. 



At no time in those eight years, at no time 

 in our lives, for that matter, was there ever 

 a familiarity that permitted me to give her 

 a kiss. "When I attempted such a liberty, 

 she kindly but firmly said, the minute such 

 a thing were permitted I should lose respect 

 for myself and herself too, and she was right. 

 My guilt consisted in trampling under foot 

 t he laws that God has implanted in the soul 

 of every man and woman, and it is of this, 

 and this only I am speaking: will you please 

 bear it in mind, through all I have to say. 



I had bought out my former partner, and 

 some money left her by her father was put 

 in my care, and she had become a partner in 

 the business. This arrangement, although 

 a singular one, was commented on but little, 

 by our citizens, because., as I have said be- 

 fore, of the good standing of ns both. My 

 lather and mother were persuaded it was ail 

 right. One brother wrote a kind letter tons 

 in remonstrance, and my wife answered it 

 herself, assuring him that her husband had 

 never wronged her in thought or deed. I 

 sealed the letter up and sent it, and did bet- 

 ter for a couple of weeks, perhaps. Another 

 brother who was not quite so soft in his 

 way of doing things, wrote that my "infatu- 

 ation'' was remarked by everybody. I shall 

 have cause to refer to this again, for I never 

 forgave that word which he used, and there 

 was a permanent estrangement between us. 

 A sister of nearly my own age advised harsh 

 measures in no very mild terms, and finally 

 ended by thinking that no power on earth 

 would ever make me any different, anyway. 

 A sister who was an earliest Christian came 

 and talked with me long and earnestly, and 

 without making any charge that admitted of 

 a denial, left me to decide with my own con- 

 science, whether I was guilty even in thought 

 or not. She also talked to me of a Savior 

 who gave strength to the weak, in a way 

 that set me to thinking. 



The girl herself, protested many times, 

 declaring it was not right, and that she was 

 going away. I urged her to stay, however, 

 persuading her, by ingenious reasoning, 

 that her promptings of conscience were 

 groundless ; when I insisted one day that I 

 could not consent to her going away, she re- 

 plied that I would get along very well. 



Said 1. "I could get along very well with- 

 out the use of my right hand, if 1 were com- 

 pelled to."" 



"But you could spare me a great deal bet- 

 ter than your right hand.'' 



1 was the slave of "Evil Impulses" mind 

 you. and without hesitation I raised my 

 right arm. and said, "If the choice were 

 given me this moment, to give up you or 

 my right arm, I should let the right arm go 

 without hesitating an instant." 



My friends, there is something in the Bi- 

 ble about giving up one's right hand for the 

 cause of Christ, but 1 had proposed barter- 

 ing mine to the Devil whom I was serving. 

 God heard me, and took me at my word ; or 

 at least sufficiently so, it would seem, to 

 have made me pause and tremble. In a 

 few weeks a dull pain commenced in that 

 right arm. Pretty soon I was obliged to lay 

 down my tools, and finally my pen, with 

 which I wrote to you on bee* culture. 



Dear reader, that dull pain is in my righ t 

 arm now, and I am using my left hand to 

 work my type-writer, as I have almost ev- 

 ery day since I pronounced that curse upon, 

 myself. I have grown familiar with it 

 although I do not feel it much when id 

 out of doors, it is always there, to remind 

 me (if my sin. God has forgiven me for 

 those years of wickedness, but like the mark 

 that was put on Cain. 1 presume it will go 

 with me to the day of my death, as a re- 

 minder and warning*. 



I know there are many who will say, I 

 have gone clear crazy here ; it may be some 

 good Christians will take this ground. 



I was frightened after I had made the 

 rash speech, and I well remember thinking 

 how I would feel if I should be taken at my 

 word. My right arm was perfectly well anil 

 strong then, but before this speech, I believe, 

 I was more sensitive to the effects of cold in 

 my right foot and ear than in my left, and 

 was in the habit of working with my right 

 side turned to the stove. I mention this be- 

 cause I wish to have everything stated fair- 

 ly. Fits of anger are very aggravating to 

 this species of partial paralysis, as the phys- 

 icians pronounced it. and it may be that the 

 fierce quarrels we had almost incessantly, 

 about this time, were quite instrumental in 

 crippling my arm. 



Almost the first oath I ever uttered was in 

 quarrels with my partner. Once, in a fit of 

 passion, I used all I had ever heard, and 

 would have used more, if I had known them. 

 Do you wonder that I am vehement in re- 

 buking profane swearing V 



She told me that I would be a murderer, 

 if I kept on. Bead the criminal reports, and 

 the startling accounts of crime that are seen 

 in our dailies almost constantly, if you wish 

 to know how Satan winds up, when he has 

 got his victims fully in his power, in the 

 way I have tried to" describe. "What is. at 

 first, only trifling, apparently harmless and 

 innocent, develops gradually all the viler 

 passions of humanity, and the result is, not 

 only paralysis and insanity, but murder, sui- 

 cide, often both together, and a grave that 

 is, to me, more terrible than that of the 

 drunken inebriate. 



The belief, that God afflicted me for that 

 single rash speech, may be a delusion, but 

 had my faith then been such as it is now, 

 that God hears and remembers every wick- 

 ed word, 1 and the innocent ones about me, 

 would have been saved years of suffering. 

 AV 7 ill such a faith harm humanit y? 



To the kind friends whose feelings may h*ave been 

 pained and jarred at what they deem almost an In- 

 sane fanaticism of mine, in writing' as 1 have above, 

 I would say, suspend judgment for a little time, 

 and fear not the issue. God will take care of me; 

 He will take care of Gleaning-s, and He win take care 

 of the Home Papers. 



