64 



GLEANINGS IN BEE CULTURE. 



Feb. 



perately wicked, and deceitful above all 

 things," and -I therefore feel like praying 

 that God will not let me have it, unless it 

 will be best for me to have it. A great 

 many times I have called for help, when 

 money had nothing to do with it, and was 

 not needed at all to help the friend out of 

 the toils of Satan. The young sister who 

 writes the following letter is one of the wea- 

 ry and heavy laden, and yet she has, appar- 

 ently, every thing in the way of home, 

 friends, and plenty, that one could ask for. 

 She is, nevertheless, in real trouble, as I 

 know by experience. 



Friend Root: — As a reader of Gleanings, I can 

 say that I highly appreciate the Home Department. 

 As you seem so familiar to your readers, I hope we 

 can have a little talk. Though I am very moral, I 

 am much dissatisfied with my life. I am always dis- 

 satisfied and restless. I would willingly become a 

 Christian, but I have no gift for anything, and my 

 faults would only make me a stumblingblock in a 

 Christian church. I am a slave to my faults. I have 

 an ungovernable temper, and in spite of all my ef- 

 forts to keep cool, I forget myself, and scold before 

 I know it. If, at times, I do keep cool, my other 

 faults are so numerous that 1 become discouraged, 

 and lose all interest in life. Unable to make a suc- 

 cess of anything, I am only a burden to others. 1 

 could bear everything, but the one constant thought 

 that, even if I do conquer my faults, T am too inferi- 

 or to be of any use in life. 



I am too proud to own my faults to mother, and 

 she thinks I do not see them, and can not sympa- 

 thize with me. I have no enemies or friend-!. No 

 one cares for me. I am uninteresting to all, and 

 what is life without friends? There is always a 

 coldness between my brothers and sisters and my- 

 self that is unbearable. It is all my own fault, for, 

 knowing that I am inferior to them, I keep myself 

 back. My life is a failure. I have no longer energy 

 enough to try to conquermy faults, and live indiffer- 

 ent and careless. My young days have not a single 

 charm for me; not a single ray of hope is left. I am 

 in perfect despair. For fear of betraying my feel- 

 ings, I assume a proud, independent appearance. I 

 have true Christian parents. Often mother, with 

 tears in her eyes, asks, " How can you be so careless, 

 knowing what you do? " I know the Scriptures, and 

 see plainly where I am standing. 



As to prayer, I disagree with you. It sometimes 

 seems as if God himself was thwarting my every 

 wish. I will give you one instance: A preacher 

 came to our vicinity, of whom I thought a great deal. 

 I felt very down-hearted, and I thought a talk with 

 him might do me good. I prayed that he might vis- 

 it us, and that I might have a talk with him. He 

 visited us, but did not seem to care to speak to me 

 at all, and I afterward found out that he had prom- 

 ised to come before I prayed. 



Often I have resolved to change my life, and pray- 

 ed God to help me, only to find myself entirely pow- 

 erless. Constant remorse for my faults, and the re- 

 proaches of conscience, are more than I can bear. 

 If I only were unhappy, I could bear it; but to see 

 that I am making others unhappy is too much, and I 

 fear the result will be a suicide's grave. Once I 

 could have stopped these thoughts, but now I can 

 not. Were it not for the dread of eternity, I would 

 ere this be sleeping in my grave. With the hope 

 that you can give me some advice, I have written 

 these lines. M. 



Many thanks, friend Mary, for the confi- 

 dence you have placed in my humble self. 

 Before my conversion, my feelings were al- 

 most exactly what you express. Now, my 

 friend, a physician, in curing, or trying to 

 cure, a patient, often gives much pain ; and 



I fear I shall give pain. You can not be a 

 Christian, and you can not be happy, until 

 you give up thinking so much of yourself. 

 Commence this minute to care for others, 

 and see how soon you will enjoy life. Try 

 to please your mother ; study her happiness 

 and wishes ; and sympathize with all those 

 about you, exactly as you wish them to sym- 

 pathize with you. Now, friend Mary, you 

 will fail here, just as you have so many times 

 before, unless you heed this : Do not expect 

 to be appreciated (except by your heavenly 

 Father), and make up your mind to bear tri- 

 als and disappointments. Arm yourself be- 

 forehand, and be prepared for all sorts of 

 discouragements, such as finding people self- 

 ish, unfeeling, ungrateful, greedy, and the 

 like; but keep on, asking your Savior to 

 help you step by step, 'and you will finally 

 conquer. In this way you are saying, " Get 

 thee behind me, Satan." Don't wait for 

 your minister to come to you, but go to him, 

 and think, whatever happens, that God 

 surely knows best, and that his word, " All 

 things work together for good to them that 

 love God," is true. If you are trying to save 

 others, thus showing your love to God, eve- 

 rything, that happens will be all right. 



II Hold the fort," and keep on, Mary, and 

 yours will be the victory. Read November 

 Homes. If anybody is sick, go and take 

 care of them, and give up the seltish'life you 

 have been leading. It will be a great task, I 

 know, for Satan will not let you loose with- 

 out a tussle; but remember "He that 

 overcometh, to him will I give power over 

 the nations." Live for others, and you will 

 never more think of suicide. 



You say, in speaking of the minister's 

 visit, that you afterward found out that 

 he had promised to come, before you had 

 prayed he might do so. Does that affect 

 it in the least? Does not God know the fu- 

 ture as well as the past, and does he not, 

 even before the prayer has been uttered, 

 move people's minds so as to bring an an- 

 swer to that prayer? Many old Christians 

 have stumbled here, as well as you, my 

 friend. The matter is somewhat complicat- 

 ed, to go into full details, but if we have 

 faith as "little children," we shall be safe, 

 even if we do not understand it all. I pray 

 for money for our work here, and pray that 

 it may come by a certain day. Now, to go 

 farther, I have often prayed that the heap of 

 letters on the table before me might contain 

 the sum I needed. Of those of you who say 

 the praying could not possibly affect the let- 

 ters written and sealed up days ago, I would 

 ask, how long beforehand must we pray for 

 what we need? If God must wait until the 

 prayer is uttered, before he can impress the 

 minds of people in a certain direction, he 

 would be, to a certain extent, like our mails 

 and telegraphs; we should have to wait a 

 reasonable amount of time for him to bring 

 the people into action. Is not this limiting 



