OLEOMAEGAEHSTE. 699 



believe that the cherries come right off of the tree onto the table, they 

 taste better and they look better to us. We get our imagination mixed 

 in with it. That is all right; it is an innocent deception. They never 

 say anything about their coining out of a can; yet they are just about 

 as good as when fresh. 1 have eaten gallons of sorghum molasses, and 

 they never told me that that was not made from river cane. 



We will have to regulate the ladies. Why, they use paint; they use 

 powder. One of them steps out of her home onto the street, or to her 

 parlor, and she has these yellow ribbons on. Tbat is the thing that 

 makes these dairy people so awful hot. And her shape is perfection. 

 Visions of "the Greek Slave," and all the lovely statuary, rise before 

 you as she ambles down the street. She is perfection. And yet they 

 are not all built that way. Some of tbem are fearfully and wonderfully 

 made. [Laughter.] Now, the Government ought to take a hand in 

 that, and stop that kind of deception which they practice on us men. 



Why, sir, the very wearing of clothes is a deception, and disguises a 

 man's deformities. Congress must step in and make every fellow go 

 naked, and grow hair like a hog. That's the way to be natural. 



Now, gentlemen, the fact is that if the Government is going to regu- 

 late all the domestic affairs, and poke its nose into butter and everything 

 else, then the Government has got to quit everything else. She gives 

 up the Philippines and the management of Cuba, and quits making 

 treaties with the powers, and stays at home and attends to the home 

 duties. Why, sir, a lot of people would like to put this Government 

 to grinding coffee and toting out slops. That is their idea of govern- 

 ment. That is their idea of what government is for. What business 

 has the Government fooling around here in butter? 



Now, I grant you that if it is a police regulation, and we were making 

 something that hurt the people, the Government ought to step forward. 

 But here the truth is, disguise it as they may, that they do not claim 

 our article is not just as pure as theirs. The question is, Shall the 

 Government put its hand on one man's business and lift it up and sink 

 the other down? 



Gentlemen, the Constitution (I will not read the different sections; 

 I had intended to do it) does not anywhere say in positive terms that 

 commerce between the States shall be free; but, sir, there are a number 

 of sections there that go to show that that is the very spirit of the 

 Constitution. And, gentlemen, if one State can lay an embargo against 

 the products of another State, why, that other State ought to be turned 

 loose to retaliate. And what do we have? Instead of a great nation, 

 cemented together by the band of commerce, interchanging its com- 

 modities freely one with another, we have a lot of little, jealous, petty 

 republics, worse than South America. 



I say that if Maine and Pennsylvania and Illinois and other States 

 are going to legislate against a perfectly pure, healthy Texas product, 

 then, I say, turn Texas loose and let us retaliate. And whenever we do, 

 I am going to the legislature. I would hate to be caught in that crowd, 

 but I will go; and, let me tell you, I'll make it hot for every State that has 

 legislated against our products. I'll make it a penitentiary offense to 

 sell Maine's fish down there. I will make it a penitentiary offense to 

 sell Illinois buggies and Ohio buggies and other manufacturing interests 

 up there. If a man wants to ship a lot of corn down there to us cotton 

 farmers, and a carload of bacon, why, I will make it a penitentiary offense 

 to do such a thing, and we will be just like two cats strung on a wire; we 

 will all be wool pulling. 



Now, that is the kind of a government they want. What right has 



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