SELLING LUMBER 



135 



the ears and the length and breadth of the head, and then size 

 up your man. Why, by that time he would be gone. 



Now, my friends, when I first met Judge Chetlain of the 

 Cook County Court his forehead fell right back from his eyes, 

 and I said to a friend: "Who is that escaped lunatic over there?" 

 He said: "Who is that escaped lunatic? That is Judge Chet- 

 lain." And I had a half hour's talk with him and found he was 

 perfectly human. Therefore, if you had read him by phrenology 

 or physiognomy you would have gone away off. You, by sit- 

 ting down there can't tell one single item of what I am, what I 

 can do or what I know, by the size of my nose. God help some 

 men if a big nose means strong character. There is nothing in 

 it. The moving face? Oh! That is different. When I look 

 this way (illustrating) you know I am pleased, and when I look 

 this way (illustrating), look out. But you can't tell that from 

 the size of my nose. 



Then they talk of palmistry the length and depth and re- 

 lation of the lines of the hand. By these they will show you the 

 character of the man, his merits and his failings and his virtues 

 and his faults. But palmistry is absolutely a pseudo science. It 

 is 50 per cent guesswork; it is not scientific. But suppose it were 

 scientific. If k were scientific it would be taught in all the uni- 

 versities of the world, but it is not taught anywhere; so it has 

 been damned as unscientific, and I am surprised that anybody 

 would believe it would be of any help in sizing up the character 

 of any fellow. But, even if it were true, do you suppose the 

 customer would allow you to monkey with his palm coming in 

 to sell him lumber, and asking him for his hand? And suppose 

 you were dickering with a woman? (Laughter). 



And astrology. Oh, yes! Give me the year and day and 

 month and hour of your birth and I will calculate your horoscope 

 and tell you what kind of man you are. But; astrology has been 

 upset in a thousand forms by astronomy. It is psuedo; nothing 

 to it at all. But suppose it were true? Would your customer give 

 you the year and month and day and hour of his birth, and then 

 you run to your book on horoscopes, and then come back and deal 

 with him? No, no. And what woman would give you her age? 

 (Laughter). 



I want to say to you now that there is no science as yet rec- 

 ognized by a scientific body and I belong to a dozen of them 



Expression, 

 Not Physiog- 

 nomy, Counts 



Palmistry 

 Involves 

 '^Holding 

 Hands" 



Some Draw- 

 backs of 

 Astrology 



