IX 

 THE ENGLISHMAN IN THE WEST — I 



A YOUTH, we are told, once swore that he 

 would fire the Atlantic ; on trial he proved 

 too feeble to strike a match ! So colossal a failure 

 is pathetic. The abyss between promise and per- 

 formance may only be spanned by pity or ridicule. 

 And who is heartless enough to laugh at the poor 

 fellow ! Did his friends, we wonder, temper his 

 hot braggadocio with cold common-sense ? Doubt- 

 less. Yet one fears that their attitude towards the 

 weakling was ungracious. Some premonition that 

 the boaster would live to become importunate, a 

 clog, a bore, perhaps a corpse to be buried, soured 

 the milk of their kindness. Sensible of their 

 own merits, his demerits become a reproach, ay, 

 a menace to peace of mind. They might have 

 urged him to fire the Thames, or even a teaspoon- 

 ful of water ; but a failure at home would provoke 

 offensive comment. So they gave him a box of 

 matches and set him afloat upon the ocean. 



In this spirit heads of families in England send 

 their fools abroad. If Johnnie fails, he will fail 

 at a distance ; and then sorrow at his mishap will 

 be computed inversely according to the square of 

 the distance between father and son. 



Johnnie, of course, takes himself very seriously. 



He is not going to fail, not he. And he studies 



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