- 3 9- ADVENTUEES OF HATS. 77 



direction. It would quite suit Sir James South for a new 

 letter in the Times. Well, I got a new hat, and thought to 

 treat it handsomely ; but one day, in Princes Street, it took 

 advantage of a favouring gale to bounce off my head, and 

 after rattling along, to the great delight of the lookers-on, 

 for nearly a division, was captured, with a compound frac- 

 ture of the upper edge. A cap doctor (not a capped one), 

 by means of a ligature, healed the breach ; but, as I can 

 assure you, it was never the same since. This injury to its 

 upper story deranged its intellects ; and the consequence, 

 the fearful consequence was, that when I was seduced by 

 John Niven into entering a bathing coach, two days ago, 

 my hat took advantage of my head not being in it to rush 

 with insane energy into the waters. Nor was this enough, 

 for not content with suicide, it strove to commit murder by 

 dragging in with it my inoffensive gloves. After being two 

 or three times overwhelmed among the waves, and battered 

 on the steps of the machine, it was dragged out, carefully 

 wiped, and being planted on my head (which, it kept cool) 

 it dried as I walked up, doubtless to the great delight of 

 the passers-by. John Niven's hat, actuated by a generous 

 impulse, bolted in after it, but it suffered little, having been 

 quickly rescued by its vigilant master. I must have a gos- 

 samer at three-and-ninepence." 



The next letter says, " I have offered myself as a lecturer 

 for the Philosophical Institution here ; but I fear all chances 

 are gone there. They propose to let the Association lie 

 dormant for a couple of years, and give the folks time to 

 digest what they have learned. In truth, last winter did 

 not get on swimmingly, owing to the absence of popular 

 speakers, and they do not wish to try it again. However, 

 I was told by the Secretary and Treasurer that if I gave 

 them in a syllabus of my proposed course, they would give, 



