1840-42. HOPES DEFEATED. 133 



eluded arrangements for relinquishing teaching. Even had 

 the doctors not insisted on it, I could not have carried 

 on longer. I was perfectly helpless, could not put my 

 foot to the ground, and had to be carried up and down 

 stairs on every occasion. I lectured standing on one foot, 

 and had to use a crutch when I attempted locomotion 

 unaided. Within the last week, however, the pain has 

 greatly increased ; become, indeed, perfect torture ; and I 

 rest or sleep in one unchanging and unchangeable position. 

 When not in motion, however, the pain lulls, and perfect 

 rest, with surgical aid, I hope will soon abate it, and lead 

 to amendment. 



"At present, however, just struck down unexpectedly 

 from all my hopes, I cannot look hopefully to the future, 

 and must recover the stun and shock of my fall before I 

 become alive to all the comforts that yet surround me. But 

 know this, at least, for your consolation, that, though often 

 despondent, I do not repine, and do never seek enviously 

 to contrast my own position with that of others. This much 

 of peace of mind God has granted me, and I trust he will 

 vouchsafe patience and courage to bear all that is sent me. 

 I believe that, even for this world, all noble characters are 

 perfected through suffering ; and in that spirit I try to 

 endure all things. But flesh is weak, and I know this too 

 well to vaunt anything at present. 



" Meanwhile excuse the sombreness of this letter, and do 

 not distress yourself for me. You cannot assist me but with 

 your sympathy, and on that I count to the fullest already. 



' i Everybody is very kind to me ; the brethren of the 

 Order have proved true brothers to me. The very surgeon 

 looked concerned, as if he had no other patient to feel 

 sympathy with. But the surgeons are more kind-hearted 

 men than they get credit/or." 



