A TEACHER : A STUDENT OF LAW, AND TUTOR. 65 



TO MR. G. S. SILLIMAN. 



FAIRFIELD, May 19, 1797. 



WE are now separated, for life perhaps, perhaps 



only for a short period. God grant, that the last may 

 eventually prove to be true. Oh, my brother, I wish I 

 could at once lay open my heart to you without the trouble 

 of writing. My mind is racked and torn by a thousand 

 anxious cares, half of them perhaps imaginary ; but whether 

 real or imaginary, they have the effect of sinking my spir 

 its. You will be curious to inquire the cause, and perhaps 

 will first of all ask, whether it be what sometimes makes the 

 heart of a young man sad. To this question I can confi 

 dently answer, No ! My youth, my ill health, and conse 

 quent want of business, are sufficient motives to make me 

 keep clear of all direct or implicit engagements of that 

 kind, and I can assure you that my feelings upon that sub 

 ject are at present quite calm. One great and constant 

 source of uneasiness to my mind you are well acquainted 

 with. It is the embarrassed situation of our affairs. I do 

 everything in my power to render the remaining part of 

 the estate as profitable as possible, but brothers are so 

 much occupied with their own affairs, that they find very 

 ittle time to attend to those of the estate. I hope, how 

 ever, in the course of the summer, that this lengthy and 

 >erplexed business, which has already consumed almost 

 even years, will be brought to a close. But I have a still 

 greater source of uneasiness than this. My health, al- 

 hough better than when you left us, is still so unconfirmed, 

 hat it would be folly for me to commence the pursuit of 

 any business for life. In fine, I am in a state of perfect sus 

 pense with respect to my future prospects, and this alone 

 s a cause sufficient to destroy the greater part of my peace, 

 know that you will tell me that I am still young, that I 

 >hall by-and-by regain my health, and that I ought to wait 

 or providence. Of the truth of all this I am convinced, but 

 VOL. i. 5 



