CHAPTER XIV. A NEW TIME^ 

 TABLE FOR VEGETABLES 



IN California I once heard an extraordinary 

 story about a Burbank watermelon. One 

 spring morning a man planted some seeds 

 in his ranch and then worked on another 

 part of it. When he got home in the 

 evening he found that the vine had got 

 ahead of him and deposited a ripe melon on his 

 doorstep. The ranch was a quarter of a mile 

 from his house. One version of the story says 

 half a mile, but that's absurd. 



I am convinced that Mark Twain wasn't 

 entirely in his right mind when he wrote an 

 article for an agricultural paper (of which he 

 was temporary editor) in which he said that 

 "turnips should never be pulled; it injures 

 them. It is much better to send a boy up and 

 let him shake the tree." 



Mark Twain was certainly an ass. He didn't 

 know the first rudiments of horticulture. He 

 also wrote that "the guano is a fine bird, but 

 great care is necessary in rearing it"; that 

 farmers should plant their buckwheat cakes in 

 July instead of August; and that "the pumpkin 

 as a shade tree is a failure." Holy Moses! 

 Can you beat it? 



Evidently all these things came to the fore in 

 my brain the other night when I had a singular 

 dream which made me supremely happy. I 



