Circuits 



"Why don't you marry, old chap?" 

 "Do you think a man could procure 



all the necessities of life on $1,800 a 



year?" 



"Of course; but not the luxuries." 

 "Well, I haven't decided yet whether 



a wife is a necessity or a luxury." 



Boston Transcript. 



"What do you make of his name?" 

 asked the police chief. 



"Well," responded the great detective, 

 "from the spelling 1 , I should judge that 

 he's either a parlor car or a Russian 

 dancer." Philadelphia Ledger. 



"The great trouble with the Ameri- 

 can people is that they eat too much," 

 said the doctor. 



"Nonsense," retorted the statistical 

 person. "I can easily produce figures 

 to prove that one-third of the Ameri- 

 can people live in boarding-houses." 

 Judge. 



Wild-eyed Customer I want a quar- 

 ter's worth of carbolic acid. 



Clerk This is a hardware store, but 

 we have er a fine line of ropes, re- 

 volvers and razors. Yale Record. 



"I would I were a bird," she sang. 



"I would you were," said her hus- 

 band. "You could go South for the 

 winter without its costing me anything." 

 Life. 



Knicker What succeeds that tired 

 feeling ? 



Bocker That fired feeling. New 

 York Sun. 



"Why did the great pianist refuse to 

 play?" 



"Temperament. He got mad because 

 his name was printed in smaller type on 

 the program than the name of the 

 piano." Chicago Record-Herald. 



Trott Well, my dear, did you enjoy 

 your shopping trip today? 



Mrs. Trott No, I didn't. I found ex- 

 actly what I wanted in the very first 

 store I entered. Boston Transcript. 



"Is he a credit to his family ?" 

 "No; a debit." "Concord Herald. 



Once upon a time a man invented 

 glasses with which people could see their 

 own faults. He starved to death. Cin- 

 cinnati Enquirer. 



"Penley used to think his poems were 



immortal." 



"What changed his opinion." 



"The editors 'killed' so many of them." 



Boston Transcript. 



271 



