THE IRRIGATION AGE. 



75 



of lions at the zoological museum to prove 

 that he was utterly terrorless. 

 The strife was long and bitter. 



You couldn't call it less, 

 And still they claim the football game 



Was hardly a success; 

 For though some men on either side 



Are maimed for life, 'tis said, 

 And several lost an eye beside, 



Not one was sent home dead. 



"Who is that man talking so loudly" 



"Oh, that's Nugget, the Klondike hero. 

 Had remarkable luck." 



"Ah, got rich?" 



"No, got home." New York Journal. 



Teacher So ' you've forgotten already 

 what I told you yesterday. What's the 

 use of your head, Johnny Miggs?" 



Johnny Miggs Please, sir, to keep my 

 collar on." Pick-Me-Up. 



He "Ah, now! if I were only to think 

 twice whenever I spoke, I should be 



She "You would be what they call a 

 mute," Ally Sloper. 



"There are six necessities, you know, 

 for a happy marriage." 



"What are they?" 



"First; a good husband." 



"And the others?" 



"The other five are money." La Carica- 

 ture. 



"To be good," remarked the offhand phi- 

 losopher, ''is to be beautiful." 



"Wai," replied the man who was trying 

 to sell him a mountain farm. "I dunno. 

 Mebbe it's the exception as proves the 

 rule." 



"What do you mean?" 



"I was thinkin' 'bout a 'possum. There's 

 no denyin' that 'possum's mighty good; but 

 you cant never make me think it's purty." 

 Washington Star. 



Boarder "This chicken soup seems to 

 be rather weak." 



Landlady "I don't see why; I told the 

 cook how to make it, but perhaps she didn't 

 catch the idea." 



I Boarder- Perhaps she didn't catch the 

 chicken." 



"How statuesque your daughter is, Mr. 

 Scadds!" 



"Statuesque? Why I have seen that girl 

 sit for hours at a time, not moving a finger, 

 while her mother worked." 



Editor (to subordinate) "Now, what are 

 we to do with these sketches of Russian 

 prisoners being taken to Siberia?" 



Subordinate "Mightn't we call them 

 'Miners on the way to Klondike'?" 



Editor "Excellent idea! Just knock 

 out the Cossacks and fill in with snow- 

 drifts." London Punch. 



"Been anybody in?" asked the grocer. 



"Mr. Brown was in and left his meas- 

 ure," said the new boy. 



"Left his measure? Does he take this 

 for a tailor shop?" 



"Naw. He left a gallon measure to be 

 filled with molasses," Indianapolis Jour- 

 nal. 



He "Do you believe there is much in a 

 name?" 



She "Yes; some names. Forinstance^ 

 the Russian Count has nearly the whole 

 alphabet in his." 



"I suppose," said Meandering Mike, who 

 had been talking of the times when he en- 

 joyed affluence, "that you're goin' to tell 

 me about how I orter of put something by 

 fur a rainy day?" 



"That is precisely what was in my mind," 



"Well it wouldn't of done no good. 

 What ruined my prospects was a drought. " 

 Washington Star. 



"Don' go by fust impressions," said 

 Uncle Eben. "Whah'd folks be now ef 

 de man dat diskivered de oystuh hadn' 

 stopped ter pro open de shell ? Washing- 

 ton Star. 



"I want a pair of gloves [for my hus- 

 band." 



"Do you know what size ?" 



" Oh, no ! but er er I know he wears 

 big boots. " 



A little fellow who saw a steamboat for 

 the first time exclaimed: "Look, mam- 

 ma ! There is a railway engine taking a 

 bath." 



