IRE IRRIGATION AGE. 



492 



Seeing another passenger sitting a short 

 distance away, patiently supporting vari- 

 ous parts of the splintered car across his 

 legs, he inquired: 



"Is this Speers Crossing?" 



The passenger, who was a drummer, and 

 not altogether new to such happenings, re- 

 plied, with a smile, although in consider- 

 able pain: 



"No; this is catastrophe." 



"Is that so," he initably exclaimed. 

 "Now I knew that conductor would put 

 me off at the wrong place." 



NOTABLE SAYINGS-REVISED. 



The Mobile, Ala.. Register, (Dem.) sug- 

 gests that in view of the attitude of many 

 Americans regarding the nation's policy 

 in the Philippines, and in following out 

 the pull-down-the-flag idea, it may become 

 necessary to revise the sayings of some of 

 departed heroes, and submits the follow- 

 ing exampU s: 



Give up the ship. Lawrence. 



Be sure you are, then apologize for it. 

 Davy Crockett. 



We have met the enemy and ours are 

 theirs Oliver Hazard Perry. 



Wait until you see the whites of their 

 eyes, boys; then run. Andrew Jackson. 



D^on't hold the fort; I am running. W. 

 T. Sherman. 



Damn the torpedoes; take a sneak. 

 David Glasgow Farragut. 



I propose to get out of this line if it 

 takes all summer. U. S. Grant. 



There stands Jackson like a stone wall; 

 but he is a fool to do it. General Lee. 



When you ai'e ready, Gridley, you may 

 skedaddle. Dewey. 



HEALTH BEFORE BEAUTY. 



Two Irishmen who had not met for 

 years ran across each other in Derby, and 

 after a period of handshaking adjourned 

 for some moist congratulations. 



"Long time since we met, Pat, isn't it? 

 Great lot of things have happened since 

 then." 



"Yes, indeed. Look at mesilf. Sure, 

 it's married I am," replied Pat. 



"You don't tell me." 



"Faith, and Oi've goi a fine, healthy 

 bhoy, and the neighbors say he is the very 

 p ; cture of me." 



O'Grady looked at Pat, who wasn't 

 built on the lines of a prize beauty. 



"Och, well, what's the harrum so long 

 as the child's healthy?" New York 

 World. 



FASHIONS IN WORDS. 



There are fashions in words as in things 



that we wear, 



They rise and they reign without reason, 

 And the word that to-day may seem pleas- 

 ant and fair 



To-morrow may be out of season; 

 The expression that now in Chicago we've 



caught, 



For pen and for tongue always ready, 

 Is the "strenuous" one that was recently 



brought 

 And left by the "strenuous" Teddy. 



It is good, I admit, and it fits to a T 



With Teddy, the daring rough rider, 

 But applied to all sorts and conditions, 



you see, 



Is often a sorry outsider; 

 For since Teddy was with us and gave it 



us pat 



We make the word suit every action, 

 And from ''strenuous" this and from 



"strenuous'' that 

 Derive a superb satisfaction. 



When the mayor speaks out 'tis in 



"strenuous " way, 



His votes are "strenuous" measures, 

 And when aldermen pelt one another in 



play 

 They're taking their "strenuous" 



pleasures; 

 When a bandit is shot after "strenuous " 



fight 



The shooter's a "strenuous" fellow; 

 When convicted ex bankers are shut out 



of sight 

 They utter a "strenuous" bellow. 



We have "strenuous" days when the 



heat i-i intense, 

 And "strenuous" nights when 'tis 



cooler, 

 And that ' strenuous " phrase gives the 



greater offense 



A.S "strenuous" ushers grow bolder; 

 Still all fashions go by, be they wise or 



absurd, 



For time their pretensions will smother, 

 And now in exchange for that "strenu- 

 ous " word, 

 Good Teddy, just pass us another. 



