422 



THE IRRIGATION AGE. 



firmities which so often come with declin- 

 ing years. She is still at the zeneth of life. 

 But the sunrise was so short a time ago, 

 and the sunset will be equally as quick in 

 coming. Though the ene was beautiful, 

 the other may be glorious. Of all her 

 friends this philosopher appreciates most 

 those who are wiser and older than herself, 

 for she finds them the most unselfish, the 

 most helpful of any. 



Should this woman be pitied? Not at 

 all. The very cream of life is hers. 



So be wise all ye women of 35. Give 

 up trying to cheat the years. At best it 

 is a nerve-disturbing, soul-destroying, 

 heart-breaking business. Give it up. You 

 will lose little and gain much, for you will 

 exchange brass for pure gold. Stand aside 

 for younger sportsmen or women, rather. 

 Take yourself out of the field while you 

 may do so with dignity. Why wait to be 

 thrust forth amid jeers and laughter? 

 Los Angles Sunday Times. 



HE MET HIS MATCH. 



"Never cross question an Irishman from 

 the old sod," advises one of the foremost 

 railroad attorneys, of the age. "Even if 

 he dues not think of an answer he will 

 stumble into some bull that will demoral- 

 ize the court and jury, and whenever a 

 witness tickles a jury his testimony gains 

 vastly in its influence. 



"Ve>, I'm speaking from experience. 

 The only witness who ever made me throw 

 up my hands and leave the courtroom was 

 a green Irishman. A section hand had 

 been killed by an express train and his 

 widow was suing for damages. I had a 

 goon case but made the mistake of trying 

 to i M i In- main witness inside out. 



"In hi? quaint way he had given a 

 gra, me .l.-x-Hptiori of the fatality, oc- 

 casi n.idv -hedding tears and calling on 

 tin- xrimi.s "quotes the Detroit F.ce Press. 

 'Aiming ! her things he swore positively 

 t*h" ' " I'icomotive whistle was not 

 souml'd until after the whole train had 



passed over his departed friend. Then I 

 thought I had him. 



' 'See here, McGinnis,' said I, 'you ad- 

 mit that the whistle blew?' 

 " 'Yis, sor; it blewed, sor.' 

 ' 'Now, if that whistle sounded in time 

 to give Michael warning, the fact would be 

 in favor of the company, wouldn't it?" 



'Yis, sor; and Mike would be tistifyin' 

 here this day.' The jury giggled. 



' 'Never mind that. You were Mike's 

 friend, and you would like to help his 

 widow out; but just tell me now what 

 earthly purpose there could be for the en- 

 gineer to blow that whistle after Mike had 

 been struck.' 



" 'I preshume thot the whistle wore for 

 the nixt mon on the thrack, sor.' 



"I left and the widow got all she asked. n 



LATEST TROUSERS RECIPE. 



"A year or two ago, "said a young man 

 to a friend, "I spent a few weeks at south 

 coast watering places. One day I saw a 

 machine which bore the inscription 'Drop 

 a penny in the slot and learn how to make 

 your trousers last.' As I hadn't a great 

 deal of money I thought an investment of 

 a penny to show me how to save the pur- 

 chase of a pair of trousers would be small 

 capital put to good use, so I dropped the 

 required cuin in and a card appeared. 

 What do you suppose it recommended to 

 make my trousers last?" 



"Don't wear 'em, I suppose." 



"No." 



"What did it say?" 



''Make your coat and waistcoat first." 



SAND. 

 I observed a locomotive in the railroad 



yard one day 

 It was waiting in the roundhouse where 



the locomotives stay; 

 It was panting for the journey, it was 



coaled and fully manned, 

 And it had a box the fireman was filling 



full of sand. 



