BOOK IIL CHAP. VI. 585 



Whenever at a lofs to find out the caufe, or nature, of a diftemper 

 (wliich generally was the cafe), <i dofe of laudanum was the firfl: 

 piece of artillery he brought into the field, to begin the attack. If 

 the fymptoms ftill left him doubtful, repetatur dofus 1 laudanum 

 again, either per fe, or jumbled with a new mixture, to raife the 

 credit of his ikill, and prevent detedion. Thus the fiege went 

 briikly on, with laudanum, to the end of the campaign, until the 

 patient's life, or conftitution at leaft, was fairly fapped, and com- 

 pelled to furrender at difcretion. A?, opium was his grand fpecific 

 for all hyfterical and nervous ailments, as well as others where the 

 fymptoms puzzled the doftor's imagination ; fo mercury was lugged 

 in by the head and flioulders, to fave his credit, in all cafes of cu- 

 ticular eruptions, belly-achs, and topical inflammations. If mer- 

 cury failed, after a bill of one or two hundred piftoles, " The de- 

 '« vil's in this obftinate difeafe !" cried Apozem ; " it is nor, fure, 

 " in the power of phyfic to conquer it! There's no remedy left, 

 " Sir, but to flee to Bath, or change the climate!" This was the 

 laft refource of his art; for he reafoned thus : " I fliould be a cou- 

 " fummatc blockhead, indeed, to put the finifhing ftroke to this 

 " bufinefs, and fo blow myfelf up at once. No! let my patient 

 " perifli at Bath, or on the road thither ! or fail for Britain, and die 

 " in his hammock! If death fhould lay hold of him, after he is 

 " difcharged out of my hands, thou canjl not Jay I did it I" Thus 

 argued Mr. Apozem ; and thus did he extricate himfelf from many 

 a troublefome fcrape. It was a great misfortune to the public, that 

 his father had not kept him long enough at fchool to acquire a 

 fmattering of Latin: it was, indeed, no lefs inconvenient to him- 

 felf, and multiplied his difficulties on many occafions. But true 

 genius leaps over every ftumbling-block ; and, what he could not 

 conllrue with the help of Cole's dictionary, he always gucfled at 

 as well as he was able. No man, furely, could have done more. 

 It is needlefs to fay, that he never boafted his Ikill in decyphering 

 a common formula, or Latin prefcription. He condemned the 

 folly of writing receipts for health in an unknown tongue ; and one 

 might as well have fent him an infcription taken from one of the- 

 ruins at Palmyra. After puzzling his brain for half an hour in 

 vain, to difcover tlie meaning, he ufually mixed up Ibme horrid 

 Vol. II. 4 F hotchpot 



