586 JAMAICA. 



hotchpot of his own invention, in order to comply with vulgar pre- 

 judice, and leave no room to fufpecl that he had not compleated a 

 grammatical and claffical education. It was enough for him, if 

 he could but luckily explain the lafl words of a prefcription, to 

 diftinguifh a Jiat bolus from a fiat haujlus. Under the auspices of 

 thefe qualifications, the following efcape of a patient may be con- 

 fidered as almoft miraculous. A certain gentleman was troubled 

 with an eruption on his Ikin ; and, having a fmattering of medical 

 knowledge, he took upon him to be his own phyfician, wrote a 

 Latin prefcription for a liniment, in which fulph. vivum was the 

 principal ingredient; and difpatched it to be made up by Mr. 

 Apozem. Our hero pored over it for fome time vvitli great at- 

 tention; and, concluding at length that y/^^/6. ^w//ff^ and argent. 

 vivum were couiin-germans, compounded a mercurial ointment; 

 with which the patient unthinkingly befraeared himfelf from head 

 to foot: but, in a (hort time, he became convinced of his error; 

 the eruption (Iruck in; he gave himfelf up for a dead man; and, 

 indeed, did not come off without a violent fit of illnefs, which had 

 nearly coft him his life. I cannot, without horror, reflecft on the 

 multitudes who have quietly defcended into their grave, leaving the 

 frauds impofed upon them undetefled. It was always a rnaxim with 

 Mr. Apozem, '' that the dead tell no tales." — " My reputation," 

 (thought he) " is fafe, under the authority of a diftemper which 

 " is often known to be mortal. But, if that won't ferve my turn, 

 "I'll fay the patient was fiulky, and determined not to live; or 

 *' that he \vd.9< jaint-hearted; or had a bad habit of body ; or had 

 " lived too free in his youtii ; or. wanted zfiamen; or that fome- 

 *<■ thing hxoke within him ; or — any other reafon why." Under 

 fuch prudent falvos did Mr. Apozem, " not having the fear of 

 *' God before his eyes, but moved and feduced by the inftigation of 

 " the Devil," go on to ravage and deftroy the human fpecies, 

 with as little remorfe and fliame as Alexander the Great, or the 

 greateft flaughterers of antiquity. His utmoft dread was the de- 

 cline of fuch bloody bufinefs ; his principal, wirti, the quick fale 

 and confumption of his drugs, which were rotten or fophifticated : 

 though, bad as they were, he generally made a profit of one thou- 

 fand per cent, upon them in the retail way. The fale of thefe poifons 



formed 



