120 THE CONNECTICUT POMOLOGICAL SOCIETY. 



speaker of the evening", Mr. Hale. I felt something- like the 

 young Scottish minister who was learning to play golf, dig- 

 ging up a good deal of the turf, enough to plant trees in, I 

 presume, and breaking a good many sticks, and he said a 

 good many things behind the back of his caddy, and one day 

 he said: "I will have to give it up!" "Why," said the 

 caddie, "you don't mean you will give up playing golf?" "No, 

 no, the ministry!" (Laughter.) After this evening I shall 

 have to give up the ministry. 



I have always heard that if you want to know how to 

 bring up children, ask an old maid to tell you how, that is, — 

 I mean "an unappropriated blessing," I don't mean an old 

 maid at all, and so you have to ask a minister of the Gospel 

 to come and tell you how to raise apples. It reminds me of 

 a story I told over in Woonsocket last week, concerning 

 expert testimony. We have some experts here I am sure. 



Perhaps you have heard of the boy in Connecticut who 

 wanted to experiment on earthquakes, so he procured a large 

 amount of dynamite, placed it very carefully under his 

 father's strawstack, hitched a fuse to it, lighted it, and then 

 he started himself toward the house. Just as he got to the 

 house his father came cut with the old dog Towser behind 

 him. The boy says : "Father, did you ever hear an earth- 

 c[uake?" And the father said: "Xo, I never did, what are 

 you up to?" "Well," he said, "it may not amount to anything, 

 only don't go near the strawstack !" Of course, the father 

 went right down there to the strawstack, and had gotten nearly 

 there when the earthcjuake occurred, and they say they picked 

 up pieces of the old gentleman all over the county, but they 

 didn't know just how to dispose of the remains, they didn't 

 want to mix the remains of Towser with the remains of 

 father, and so they sent for an expert. (Laughter.) The 

 expert came and divided the pieces into two piles, and said : 

 "This is Father, and this is Towser," so they gave Father a 

 decent burial. Two days later Towser came back, and they 

 say there are very few in that town now who have any confi- 

 dence in experts. (Laughter.) 



