THE BRIGHTON ROAD 201 



referens, between his teeth. He also had a pair of bad 

 holders as wheelers (both thoroughbreds) to complete 

 the situation, and the miserable slave to tobacco could 

 not keep them out of a canter. He was more successful 

 in putting his chain on down the hill by New Timbers, 

 or this tale would never have been told except at a 

 coroner's inquest ; but being too busy with the aforesaid 

 cigar ("the march of intellect," as Viator once more 

 crushingly remarks), he let his team get well on to the 

 crown of the hill, just above his change, before he 

 attempted to pull up. And what happened when this 

 too long-deferred effort failed ? Why, " away they 

 went." And where they were going to, except to perdition, 

 Viator for some moments was utterly unable to tell. 

 For the incompetent one had his reins clubbed by way 

 of meeting the emergency, and by reason of his awkward 

 pulling and hauling, had the coach first of all in one 

 ditch, and then in the other, till the passengers were 

 utterly unable to say whether they were on their heads 

 or their heels, and momentarily expected to be lying 

 ready for burial on their backs. At the very crisis of 

 the affair the stables of the runaway team loomed into 

 sight, when they stopped of their own accord, in spite, 

 no doubt, of the efforts of their driver. On the next stage 

 an opportunity of another kind was given to this miser- 

 able charioteer for retrieving his lost laurels and pocket- 

 ing the half-crowns which the outside passengers had 

 determined at the moment not to give him. For the 

 next stage was one which required the exercise of a 

 little "fanning"; and it was within the bounds of 

 reasonable human hope that such an ignoramus with the 

 reins might yet be able to use his whip the least bit in the 

 world. But, alas ! " Dominie Sampson could not have 

 made a more diabolical attempt at hitting a near leader." 

 And every time the fellow tried to hit his off-side wheel 

 horse, he nearly cut off his off-side passenger's near ear! 

 Under which delightful conditions the journey to London 

 was done in six hours, the passengers never being out of 

 jeopardy the whole time. 



