j8 THE EARLY DAYS OF 



all about the pipe. My father, wisely viewing the matter merely as 

 a joke, made no unpleasant comments ; whilst I, glad to get rid 

 of the article altogether, presented it to my friend the postman, 

 who tells me he has it now. 



It must not be supposed however that I learnt absolutely nothing 

 at school, for I learnt some useful lessons, which, although not directly 

 set down in the curriculum of the school, were taught in a far more 

 summary manner than I should have acquired them at home, and 

 amongst these was the general truth of the saying — 



" O, what a tangled web we weave, 

 When first we study to deceive ! " 



One day there occurred to me what seemed a ver}' bright and 

 original idea. Possibly I might escape many of the evils to which 

 I was exposed at school, b}- placing myself on the sick list ; and 

 thinking such a ruse was one for which I might eventually take out 

 a patent, I revealed it to my brother, who thought it so very 

 ingenious that we determined to put it forthwith into execution. 



Accordingly, assuming a sad and dejected air, we presented 

 ourselves at the surgery and rang the bell, the sound of which 

 frightened us not a little, as now there appeared no retreat, even had 

 we wished it. 



Presently a charwoman appeared and asked us what we wanted ; 

 to which we replied that we desired to see the doctor, as neither of 

 us was feeling very well. Thereon the good lady, who probably had 

 picked up some knowledge of medicine, and its collateral incidents, 

 gave us so very little encouragement, that, had we been wise, we 

 should have bolted back to school. But in our innocence, we sat 

 down on a bench until the doctor should appear. 



Dr. Gardiner was a very worthy man, and kind withal, for he 

 always began a consultation with, "And what's the matter with you, 

 dear boy ? " Report ran, that he had fought side by side with 

 Bompas at Waterloo, and had horses killed under him on that 

 eventful day. But on our eventful day, as there was a clean 



