HOW TO TREAT A GRUMBLER. 329 



inveterate grumbler, very effectual in most cases, is to fool him to 

 the top of his bent to give him line, in the piscatorial sense. If 

 he complains that his seat on the coach is hard and the rails behind 

 hurt his spine, assure him at once, in a confidential sort of way, 

 that you believe the axle is horribly twisted, and is as likely as not 

 to snap in twain just about half-way down the next incline. If he 

 complains of the dust, give it as your candid opinion that the Eoad 

 Trustees should be heavily fined for not allaying the nuisance by a 

 properly arranged water-cart service all over the Black Mount. If 

 he complains that the steamer trembles in all her timbers, and the 

 steam, as it escapes at the calling-places, makes a horrible noise, 

 agree with him at once, hinting that an explosion of the boiler is 

 by no means an unlikely event through the carelessness of the coal- 

 begrimed stoker, who is just then cooling himself at an open air- 

 hole, and wiping his brow with a wisp of tow. If at dinner he 

 abuses the soup, ask him how it could possibly be good, seeing 

 that the water whereof it is made was taken a week ago, by means 

 of a tarry bucket, from the third lock of the Crinan Canal r \ Does 

 he abuse his salmon ? Shake your head sadly, and point with your 

 fork towards the round of beef, hinting that at this season cattle 

 sometimes die a natural death, and then their carcasses are to be 

 had for a third of the market price of good beef. Go with him and 

 beyond him in this sort of way for a little, and he will soon see that 

 you are only poking your fun at him, and the chances are that he will 

 cease troubling you at all events with his complaints for the rest 

 of the day. After all, however, it is but justice to observe that 

 even your inveterate grumbler is not infrequently a much more 

 amiable person than he seems ; kind, too, after a fashion, and 

 amazingly liberal when a proper occasion offers. 



if Fish are now becoming plentiful along our shores, and with a 

 little trouble in selecting a very early or a very late hour, and 

 watching the state of the tides, they may be caught in considerable 



