THE OLD AND THE YOUNG 65 



When Darwin was very ill the following February, he was 

 allowed to see no one : and Hooker, who had spent the week- 

 end near by at the Lubbocks', writes feelingly : 



I yearned to go over and see Mrs. Darwin, but it would 

 have been too great a punishment to both of us (you and 

 me). I cannot tell which I crave for most, another little 

 girl, or for you to get well. 



And as the anniversary of his loss came round, he wrote 

 (September 16, 1864 : the British Association was meeting 

 at Bath) : 



I go to Bath to-morrow for two or three days. I am glad 

 to do so, though I go with a very heavy heart ; on principle 

 I think we should not keep anniversaries of great sorrows; 

 but as the day draws nearer I feel all the misery of last year 

 crawling over me, and my lost child's face and voice accom- 

 pany me everywhere by day and by night ; so that I now 

 dread an attack of what were more the horrors of delirium 

 tremens than the chastened sorrows of a sensible man. I 

 am sure however that there is no fear of that now ; time, as 

 you told me it would, has done its inevitable work. What 

 queer mortals we are ! Poor Grove's, far more dreadful blow 

 reconciles me to my loss, in a real though irrational manner. 1 

 I have felt for him exceedingly. It is too bad of me to write 

 on such selfish subjects to you, and I am sure Mrs. Darwin 

 must be angry with me for doing so but your affection for 

 your children has been a great example to me, and there is 

 no other living soul with whom I can talk of the subject ; 

 it would make my wife ill if I went on so to her. She is 

 wonderfully different from me, the loss simply made her 

 very ill; almost dangerously so. I am of tougher, coarser 

 material and, like Kawdon Crawley, have greater capacity 

 for feelings, which when once roused run riot. 



Here may conveniently be added later expressions on 

 these and similar subjects. The first is a letter to Darwin, 

 January 7, 1873 : 



1 Probably Sir George Grove (1820-1900), writer on music and first director 

 of the Royal College of Music, whose daughter died about this time. 



