THE LANCASTER FARMER. 



Ill 



EDW. J. ZAHM, 



ZAIIMS CORNER, 



XTorth Queon Strset 8s Centre Suqare, 

 LANCASTER, PA. 



A FnLL ASSORTMENT OF 



AMERICAN AND FOREIGN WATCHES, 

 CLOCKS, JEWELRY, SILVER- 

 WARE, AND 



SILVER-PLATED WARE. 



SOLE AGENT IK LANCASTER COUNTY FOR THE SALE OF 



The Arundel Tinted Spectacles. 



Thcftp SpcctarleH Unvf bt'cri In^forc (he public now for 

 Bonie yfan*. and hiive ^ivru entire KiitiRfuotiou. They are 

 unquorttioimbly the be»f in the murket. 



WATCH REPAIRING 



antl (IKNKKAL -lOB WORK in all itR branches iiromptly 

 done. The well-earned reputation of 



for flrBt-claea work will be fully nniintiiined. 



EDV/.J. ZAHM, 



2AHMS CORNER, 

 North Queen St. and Centre Square, 



7-3.3m LANCASTER, PA. 



DILLER & GROFF, 



AGENTS FOR* 



ill «tttl, 



The best in the market. Guaranteed to 

 give satisfaction. 



No pay ankod until the coiuiitions of the Ruaranteo are ful- 

 filled. Cull and si'e it with th« late improvementB. 



.\LSO A 



FULL LINE OF HARDWARE, 



BUILDING MATERIALS, 

 STOVES, 



And evcrythiDff usually kept in a first claas Hardware 



m. 7 EAST KING STREET, 



,-:^,„, LANCASTER, PA. 



MANUFACTURBB OP 



Witlintnnport and fjorfi tinvrn, 



BlU Mills— ROITND ISLAND «: POUTAGE, PA. 



7-1] Retail Lumber and Coal Yard. [r>m 



NORTH WATER STREEf, ABOVE P. R. R., LANCASTER, PA. 



A. K. SPURRIER, 



At Mayor's Office, Lancaster, Pa. 



Criminal bunineps promptly attended to at all hourfl. 



SPECIAL ATTENTION paid to Civil Uusinefis. fllolloc- 

 tloiiB carefully uttt-nded to, and returns promptly made, on 

 re:i.souable tcnnt*. 



DEEDS. JUDGMENTS and MORTGAGES 



executed oit 8hort uotice, aud eatiKfactiou guaranteed. 



A Veritable Police Court Record: 



" Youiii; iiuiii, wliiit is y""r ini""' •" uski'il .luilifo 

 Smith, al tlif |xili(<" loiirt um- inorniii^, of a huiiil- 

 sdinc vcuiiii; niiin win) scptnrd nimli llie worse for liis 

 ])r('vi(His iiii^ht's frolit'. 



" .Iciliii Smith," rispoiidod tlie emlmrnisscil youth. 



'' Wliorii do you live i" was the next judicial luter- 

 roffatlon. 



" In West Twelfth street," was the evasive reply. 



"It cmiiiot he ikwkIIiU'," Molemiily mnarked llii: 

 Judge, "that you are my cousin who was IokI wmie 

 months iiRo, and yet your xingular name would lead 

 me to that hi'lief. Hold up your head aud let me see 

 your fare." 



The youth elevated his head to exhihit a searlet 

 eountename, and the judiie, on scrutinizing it, said: 

 " No, you're not the lousin; so you mtist t)e Hie other 

 .loliii .Smith who fi'ves mv so inuih tnmlilc heri'. 

 Kvery time lie is arrested he ^ives a dill'erent adilress 

 and wears ditlerent elothes." 



The youth proti'sted thai he had never hcen arrest- 

 ed Ix'fore, tint the judire said the reeords of the court 

 woulil not justify his licllcviii:,' any such story. The 

 <'lerk was <lirectcd to see how many times .John Smith 

 hail lieen arrested durintrtlie week. The report came 

 that he was entered nine timl's. Notwithstaiidinirtlie 

 documentary eviilcnce to the contrary, the younj; 

 man still held his !;nmnil. Finally the judu'e told the 

 prisoner he wouM (iischan;e liim if lie would swear 

 he had never hcen arrested hcfore. The youth swore; 

 and, as he was leavins, the judire said, " I wou't ask 

 you to swear that your name is Smith." 



A nioiii.AND minister, given somewhat to cxaffffer- 

 ation in the pulpit, was rcinon.stratcd with by his 

 clerk, anil told of his ill ctl'ccts upon the congresa- 

 tion. He re|)licd that he was not aware of it, and 

 wished the clerk, the next time he did it, to jrive a 

 cough by way of a hint. Soon after lie was describ- 

 ing Samson's tying the foxes' tails together. lie said, 

 " The foxes in those daysweremuch largerthan ours, 

 and tliey had tails twenty feet long." "Ahem!" 

 came from the clerk's desk. "That is," continued 

 the preacher, " according to their measurement; but 

 by ours they were fifteen feel long." " Ahem !" 

 louder than before. '■ But as you may think this Is 

 extravagant, we'll just say they were ten feet." 

 " Ahem ! Ahem !" still more vigorous. The parson 

 leaned over the pulpit, and shaking his linger at the 

 clerk, said, " Y'e may cough there all night, mon — 

 I'll uae tak' off a fut more. Would ye hae the foxes 

 with nae teels at a' ?" 



A MAN dressed in sailor costume was up In a eriml- 

 niil court, the other day, ujion a charge of stealing a 

 pair of boots. .\s he had no counsel, the Court ap- 

 pointed a young lawyer to take charge of the defense. 

 The lawyer opened the case with a speech, in which 

 he alluded to liis client as "a child of the sad sea 

 waves, a nursling of the storm, whom the pitiless liil- 

 lows had cast, a forlorn and friendless waif, upon the 

 shores of time, after a life spent in tierce and heroic 

 contest with the raging elements." Then the defen- 

 dant was put in the dock, and the fact was revealed 

 that he was cook upon a canal-boat, previous to 

 wliieb be had hawked fish. The "nursling of the 

 storm" is now in jail for si.x months. 



The P<)i;t Smith ox Bahie.s anmi Wind. — Tell 

 me, ye winged winds that round my pathway roar, 

 do yc not know some spot where women fret no 

 more — some lone and pleasant dell, some " holler '' 

 in the groinid, where lialiies never yell, and cradles 

 are not found ? The loud wind blew the snow into 

 my face, and calmly answered, "There is no such 

 place." 



" Ah !" said a Sunday-school teacher — " ah, Caro- 

 line .Jones, what do yon think you would have been 

 without your good father and pious mother?'' "I 

 supiHise, mum," said <_'aroline, who was very much 

 struck with the soft appeal — " I supimse, mum, as I 

 should ha' been a lutrphan." 



Mil Spinks is not going to do any more in conun- 

 drums. He asked his wife why be was like a don- 

 key, and she said because he was born so ; and he 

 says the answer is very difl'ercnl from that. 



How TO DiSStADE Peoi'i.e fkom Mahrvino — 

 Send them to the seaside, and they will l)e always 

 hearing the moaning of the tied. 



A CoLtTMBiA professor, reproving a youth for the 

 exercise of his fists, said : " We light with our heads 

 here." The youth considered, and replied that but- 

 ting wasn't considered fair at bis last school. 



A CiiiiAoo man insists that he saw a red and 

 black snake forty feet long, and as big round as a 

 barrel of whisky. We have no doubt that he did, 

 but be unquestionably saw the barrel of whisky be- 

 fore he saw the snake. 



The editor of the Panama filar aiwdogizes for the 

 non-appearance of his paper by saying that he had to 

 leave off to dig shot out of his legs. 



JOHN H. MET2LER, 



iiiii, 15! ill I, \mm% 



No. 9 SOUTH DUKE ST., 



LANCASTER, PA. 



Real Efltate bought, sold and cxchanired. Loans nc- 

 irotlated rrnp rilisr •ntid. anil unts eollcctMl. 



Agini for ihi- KAKMKKS' Fli.K INSUKANCK CO. of 

 York. I'a. Assets, ovir P.KK1.I no. 7-4.sm 



1760. £STABLISH£D 1760. 



GEO. M. STEINMAN & CO., 



26 and 28 W. KING ST., 



HARDWARE. 



BUILDING HARDWARE, GLASS, 

 PAINTS. OILS, PUMPS, 



TERRA com, IRON ani LEAD PIPE, 



LEATHER BELTING, 



SEEDS, PHOSPHATES, AND 

 FARM IMPLEMENTS. 



AGENTS FOR THE 

 "OHIO" REAPER AND MOWER, 

 WHANN'S PHOSPHATE, 

 FAIRBANK'S SCALES, 

 DUPONT'S POWDER, 

 HARRISBURG NAILS, &c., &c. 



We have the lar^eHt stock of generul Hardware in the 

 State, and our jiricett arc as low and termii as liberal aH can 

 he found elupwhere. 7-3-3m 



LUMBER FOR FARMERS. 



NO MIDDL£-M£N. 



Wo have a lar^e fltock of Lunilier, and one of the mo«C 

 CxteuHive Sash and Door Factories in the State, and we are 

 prepared to furnish IIoii<«<« and Barii Hills oomplele. 



.■Vll kiudw of Miuufactured I-VucinR, Ac. miiking a Hpi»ci- 

 alty of Bupplyinn the aKrieullural community. We will 

 make prices delivered to any Itailrt»ad Station. All our 

 material sriinraiif rod as rrpresentwL All manufactured 

 work kihi-driert and warranted not to shrink. All inqulne* 

 cheerfully answeri'd. 



One of the firm can be seen at the Franklin HouBe, North 

 Queen Street, Lancaster, Fa., nn Mond^iy of each week. 



7-*-12m] 



KENDIG, BRICKER&LAUMAN, 



Middtctown Dauphin co.. Pa. 



J. STAUFFER, 



LANCASTER. PENN'A. 

 235 EAST ORANGE ST. 



.\11 matter*. nppertaininR to TNITED STATES or CANA- 

 DIAN TATENTS. TUADE MAKKS, and COPVKIOHT8. 

 proniptly attended to. Ui» experience, nuccewi and fatlllful 

 attention to the intere«tB of t hope who engage bis Bcrvioea 

 arc fully acknowledged and appreciated. 



Preliminnrj- exiiniinationa made for him by a reliable A« 

 iiiHtant at Waahiugtou, without extra charge for drawing 

 or descriptiou. [T-i-tf 



