212 LIFE IN IRELAND 



Wellington; I stormed now the outposts of rebellion, 

 and now the inner fortresses of smuggluig. — In truth, I 

 became notorious, and had from Government, upon the 

 dispersion of my Corps, a full Exciseman' s deputation 

 for the City and County of Dublin. 



' I was now at the summiun bonum of happiness, and 

 accordingly took to myself a wife, I had read of an 

 old maxim — " First get a house, then get a wife, and 

 then get a child." — With true Irish hmnour I got a 

 child first, then got the ivife, and then had the house 

 to look after. Here I found myself in a state of great 

 comfort ; and if I had not been perpetually under the 

 apprehension of an arrest, and seeing myself hanged if 

 the Rebels got the upper hand, I might have done 

 well ; but, however, I was to be doing something, more 

 or less ; and if there was the devil's oven heating, Swan 

 was sure to have a finger in the pie. 



' I lost my eldest daughter in a fit of the smallpox ; 

 and I lost my dear wife in a fit of running away with 

 a bold Dragoon officer, six feet high, and three feet 

 wide. 



' She and her paramour managed to run me two 

 hundred pounds in debt; and I \\2iS plucked up, and 

 put down in this shell. On account of my former 

 services, the noble Commissioners give me half-pay 

 allowance whilst I am here ; but I have been struck 

 off THE ARMY yeomanry seat of Serjeants with very little 

 ceremony. — This is my whole history ; and if it is not 

 very amusing, it is very true. I may remark, that I 

 never oppressed the poor and friendless : the cause of 

 the WIDOW AND orphan never rested upon my head ; 

 nor ever did I dash the noggin of cofitraband spirits 



