256 LIFE IN IRELAND 



starting from the couch on which Sir Shawn intended 

 to rest, do you mean to scrouch me dead by any means ? 

 And lo and behold, up sprang to view the dearly 

 beloved and long wished for Major GRAMMACHRf:E. — 

 ' Boys, boys, bad luck to your souls, here am I, and 

 here are you ; and you. Lady Datiunee^ and you, Miss 

 no matter what, by the piper that shook the Giant's 

 Causeway, I am so glad to see you, that — dammee, how 

 do ye do?' — Well, well. Major, how are you, and 

 welcome to my house ; how the devil came you stow'd 

 away on the couch ? — I '11 tell you — stop a moment, and 

 then make haste to understand me ; but none of your 

 nouns, pronouns, and God's zounds grammatical work, 

 for I know no more of the English gramfuar^ than an 

 Englishma7i knows of the Irish. 



I came home in good trim, and being tired, took a 

 nap, just to discojupose my senses, and prepare to meet 

 you both ; but here I have met with a double dis- 

 appointment of the most happy nature — I find two 

 pretty pigeons in the rear of the hawks, and am just as 

 decently happy as I deserve to be. 



Brian Boru, you are damn'd fortunate; there is 

 the title deeds of your estate, clear stick and block, 

 and be damn'd to you ; so hereafter do as you like. 



Sir Shawn O'Dogherty, there is a long bill of 

 expenses against you from the parish of Stingbottomslap, 

 for a bastard child; I paid the money, and took the 

 baby on my own head ; but it was very hard work, for 

 as the child was not born with a wooden leg, the Justice 

 thought it couldn't be mine. I quieted his doubts, by 

 assuring him that it was got before my timber had been 

 fitted on, and so all was well. But, by Jasus, said 



