A COUNTRY BALL. 15 



Presently arose a hum of many voices ; dreams and phanta- 

 sies disturbed my uneasy slumbers ; a noise like distant music 

 at times was faintly audible ; at last a crash of instruments 

 awoke me, and the first quadrille was in full execution within 

 four feet of my distracted head ! 



Heaven granted me patience, although I was on the very 

 brink of a country ball-room, and separated from " the gay 

 throng" only by the intervention of a slip of deal-board, while 

 through the chinks you might have passed the poker, or inter- 

 changed a parasol. 



I raised myself up on my elbow, and what a group was 

 there ! A short man, in a claret- coloured coat, was paired 

 with a stout gentlewoman in bright scarlet : she must have 

 been descended from " the giant; 5 ' I would as soon grapple 

 with her in a waltz, as commit myself to the embraces of a 

 boa- constrictor. Vis-a-vis was a police-officer, in state uni- 

 form, with a pale beauty in cerulean blue ; and a personage of 

 immense calf, in black tights, confronted a skeleton in nankeen 

 unmentionables. The ladies were gloriously adorned with silver 

 ribbon, gilt wreaths, and every flower that blows, from a pink 

 to a peony ; the lords of the creation sported stiffened cravats 

 and a plurality of waistcoats ; and the ball-room emitted " an 

 ancient and fish-like smell" a miasm of musk, assisted by 

 every abomination in perfumery. 



I was in an intermediate state between frenzy and fever, and 

 turned over in my mind the expediency of setting fire to the 

 bed-curtains, and sending myself, the quadrille, and the whole 

 company to the skies, by igniting ten pounds of Harvey's 

 treble strong, which was stowed away somewhere in my lug- 

 gage. Did tired Nature quiesce for a moment, I was fearfully 

 roused with a tornado of torturous sounds. " Places, gentle- 

 men !" " Ladies-chain !" " Now, don't dance, Patsey ; you 

 know you're drunk !"-r-" Arrah ! Charley, are you stupid ?" 

 " Dos-a-dos, Miss Rourke !" " Up with the Lancers !" 

 " Aisy, Mr. Bodkin ! remember there are ladies here !" 

 r ' Waiter ! there's porter wanted at the card-table !" Somnus ! 

 deity of my adoration ! never expose me to such misery as I 

 endured in the archiepiscopal town of Tuam ! 



Morning came, and the company retired to supper below 

 stairs. ^ Anticipating the consequences, I fortified my chamber- 

 door with all the moveables I could collect. It was a prudent 

 precaution ; for, blessed be God ! a row ensued, that finished 



