60 CONVERSATIONAL HINTS 



have not treated them as they deserved. I have 

 suffered from it myself. It was only last week 

 that, having said something derogatory to the 

 dignity of my second gun, I woke with a start at 

 two o'clock in the morning, and found its wraith 

 going through the most horrible antics in a patch 

 of moonlight on my bed-room floor. I shot with 

 that gun on the following day, and missed nearly 

 everything I shot at. Could there be a more con- 

 vincing proof? Take my advice, therefore, and 

 abstain from abusing your gun. 



Now, your typical smoking-room conversation 

 ought always to include the following subjects : 

 (1) The wrong-headed, unpopular man, whom 

 every district possesses, and who is always at 

 loggerheads with somebody ; (2) ' The best shot 

 in England,' who is to be found in every country- 

 side, and in whose achievements all the sportsmen 

 of his particular district take a patriotic pride ; 

 (3) the folly and wickedness of those who talk or 

 write ignorantly against any kind of sport; (4) 

 the deficiency of hares, due to the rascally pro- 

 visions of the Hares and Babbits Act ; (5) a few 

 reminiscences, slightly glorified, of the particular 

 day's sport ; and (6) a prolonged argument on the 



