800 



ESSAYS. 



to ascend an old and creaking staircase ; 

 when, as he mounted to show me the way, 

 he demanded, whether I delighted in pros- 

 pects ; to which, answering in the affirmative, 



* Then,' says he, ' I shall show you one of the 

 most charming out of my windows, for I live 

 at the top of the house; we shall seethe ships 

 sailing, and the whole country twenty miles 

 round, tip top, quite high. My lord Swamp 

 Would give ten thousand guineas for such a 

 one ; but, as I sometimes pleasantly tell him, 

 I always love to keep my prospects at home, 

 that my friends may come to see me the 

 oftener.' 



By this time we were arrived as high as 

 the stairs would permit us to ascend, till we 

 came to what he was facetiously pleased to 

 call the first floor down the chimney; and 

 knocking at the door, a voice, with a Scotch 

 accent,from within, demanded, ' Wha's there.' 

 My conductor answered, that it was him. 

 But this not satisfying the querist, the voice 

 again repeated the demand ; to which he 

 answered louder than before, and now the 

 door was opened by an old maid-servant, with 

 cautious reluctance. 



When we were got in, he welcomed me to 

 his house with great ceremony, and turning 

 to the old woman, asked where her lady was. 



* Good troth,' replied she in the northern 

 dialect, 'she's washing your twa shirts at the 

 next dobr, because they have taken an oath 

 against lending out the tub any longer.' 'My 

 two shirt!?!' cried he, in a tone that faltered 

 willj confusion, ' what docs the idiot mean?' 

 ' ! ken what I mean well enough,' replied the 

 other, she's washing your twa shirts at the 

 next door, because' ' Fire and fury, no more 

 of thy stupid explanations,' cried he. 'Go 

 and inform her we have got company. Were 

 that Scotch hag,' continued he. turning to me, 

 1 to be for ever in my family, she would never 

 learn politeness, nor forget that absurd poi- 

 sonom accent of her's, or testify the smallest 

 specimen of breeding or high-life ; and yet it 

 is very surprising too, as 1 had her from a par- 

 liament-man, a friend of mine from the High- 

 lands, one of the politest men in the world ; 

 but that's a secret. 



We waited sorne time for Mrs. Tibb's arri- 

 val, during which interval I had a full oppor- 

 tunity of surveying the chamber and all its 



furniture ; which consisted of four chairs with 

 old wrought bottoms, that he assured me 

 were his wife's embroidery ; a square table 

 that had been once japanned, a cradle in one 

 corner, a lumbering cabinet in the other ; a 

 broken shepherdess,and a mandarine without 

 a head, were stuck over the chimney; and 

 round the wall several paltry, unframed pic- 

 tures, which he observed were all his own 

 drawing: 'What do you think, Sir, of that 

 head in the corner, done in the manner of 

 Grisoni ? There's the true keeping in it; it's 

 my own face; and, though there happens to 

 be no likeness, a countess offered me a hun- 

 dred for its fellow : I refused her, for hang it. 

 that would be mechanical you know.' 



The wife, at last, made her appearance; 

 at once a slattern and a coquet; much ema- 

 ciated, but still carrying the remains of beau- 

 ty. She made twenty apologies for being 

 seen in such an odious dishabille, but hoped 

 to be excused, as she had staid out all night 

 at Vauxhall Gardens with the countess, who 

 was excessively fond of the horns. ' And in- 

 deed, my dear,' added she, turning to her 

 husband, 'his lordship drank your health in 

 a bumper.' 'Poor Jack,' cries he. 'a dear 

 good natured creature, J know he loves me; 

 but 1 hope, my dear, you have given orders 

 for dinner; you need make no great prepa- 

 ration neither, there are but rhree of us; 

 something elegant, and a little will do; a 

 turbot, an ortolan, or a-r ' 'Or what do you 

 think, my dear,' interrupts the wife, 'of a 

 nice pretty bit of ox-cheek piping hot, and 

 dressed with a little ofmy own sauce?' 'Tl:e 

 very thing,' replies he: 'it will eat best with 

 some smart bottled beer; but be sure to let's 

 have the sauce his grace was HO fond of. 1 

 hate your immense loads of meat; that is 

 country all over: extreme disgusting to those 

 who are in t hp least acquainted with high- lite.' 



By this time mv curiosity began to abate, 

 and my appetite -to increase; the compaiy 

 of fools may at first make us smile, but at 

 last never tails of rendering us melancholy. 

 1 therefore pretended to recollect ;i prior < n- 

 gngoment, mid. after having shown my respect 

 to the house, by giving the old servant a 

 piece of money at the door, I took mv leave; 

 Mrs. Tibbs assuring me, that dinner, if'I nlajd, 

 would be read^ at least in less than two hours. 



