82 THE SOUTH COUNTRY 



of the extremity of my happiness came my worst grief. 

 I fell in love. I fell in love with one of my cousins, a 

 girl of seventeen. She never professed to return my love, 

 but she was a most true friend, and for a time I was 

 intoxicated with the delight; I now envy even the brief 

 moment of pain and misery that I had in those days. 



" She was clever and understanding so that I was always 

 at my best with her, and yet, too, she was as sweet as a 

 child and strange as an animal. The few moments of 

 pain were when I saw her with the other girls. When 

 they were together, running on the sands or talking or 

 dancing they seemed all to be one, like the wind; and 

 sometimes I thought that like the wind they had no heart 

 amongst them except mine that raced with the runners 

 and sighed among the laughers. It was lovely to see her 

 with animals! with cows or horses, her implicit mother- 

 hood going out to them in an animal kindness, a bluff 

 tenderness without thought. At times I looked carefully 

 and solemnly into her eyes until I was lost in a curious 

 pleasure like that of walking in a shadowy, still, cold 

 place, a cathedral or wintry grove she had the largest 

 of dark grey eyes; and she did not turn away or smile, 

 but looked fearlessly forward, careless and unashamed 

 like a deep pool in a wood unused to wayfarers. Then 

 she seemed so much a child, and I longed for the days 

 (which I had never really had) when I could have been 

 as careless and bold and free as she was. No, I could 

 never teach those eyes and lips the ways of love : that 

 was for some boy to do. And I thought I will be con- 

 tent to love her and to have her friendliness. I was old 

 for my years, and my life without the influence of women 



