138 HOUSE, GARDEN, AND FIELD 



best-known of all mock-dissertations is probably Swiff s 

 Pious Meditations on a Broomstick, intended to take off 

 Boyle's Occasional Reflections upon several subjects ; 

 another, which happens to ridicule just such a chapter 

 as the present one, is Nash's Praise of the Red Herring, to 

 be found in his Lenten Stuff e, 1599. It was Nash's humour 

 to write at tedious length on a whimsical topic without 

 giving a particle of useful information. He discourses 

 upon himself and his late adventures, upon Yarmouth, 

 the trade of Yarmouth, and the ancient history of Yar- 

 mouth, gives extracts from learned authors, which go to 

 prove that a red herring is wholesome of a frosty morning, 

 and sets up a claim that the red herring is more than a 

 match for all other English merchandise ; wool, cloth, 

 corn, lead, tin, iron, butter, cheese none of them is the 

 fellow to a red herring. He cries out in the middle of his 

 discourse, " Let me see, hath anybody in Yarmouth heard 

 of Leander and Hero ? " and goes on to tell the story in 

 his own way. He explains how the herring came to be 

 king of the fishes, by what accident the smoking of herrings 

 was hit upon, how the herring was honoured by the Pope 

 of Rome, what is best to draw on hounds to the scent, and 

 who first put herrings in casks. Once he begins to excuse 

 himself, " There be of you, it may be, that will account me 

 a palterer for hanging out the sign of the red herring in my 

 title-page, and no such feast towards, for aught you can 

 see." But the rigmarole goes on as before, and ends 

 without one word to the purpose. Such was the new 

 journalism in Shakespeare's days, when, as poor Nash 

 complained, " the seven liberal sciences and a good leg 

 would scarce get a scholar bread and cheese." 



If this is what the mock- dissertation ends in, the triumph 

 over the writer of grave discourses is brief and poor ; it 

 is the grasshopper mocking the ant. So let us not be 

 ashamed to draw if we can a little instruction from the 

 herrings which afforded Nash nothing but amusement. 



Even a red herring is not a bad study, but a fresh herring 



