ASSES AND CRITICS. 275 



not say " Tuesday,''^ but must say " Chuseday^''^ and 

 could not say ink, "like a man, but ivritin' fluid.'''' 

 I fairly writhed under the scorching rebuke, feeling 

 as I often have done under some of the criticisms on 

 my books in the Magazines. I have no doubt he also 

 felt very much as the writer or penny-a-liner did, 

 who concocted those annihilating reviews. It re- 

 minded me of an article I once saw in the " New 

 Englander," written by an ignorant conceited clergy- 

 man, who, irritated by the itching after notoriety, 

 was willing to expose his folly, if he only could 

 be talked about. I forget the article, but I remember 

 one sentence, over which I had a hearty laugh — first, 

 at the long ears, which everywhere stuck out, and 

 second, at the ludicrous gravity with which I knew 

 he contemplated the feat he had performed, while his 

 readers were smiling at his stupidity. He was re- 

 viewing my " Napoleon and his Marshals," and 

 among other defects, (some of which he made up 

 deliberately,) he said I used the phrase "deliv- 

 ered battle," which was entirely wrong. He con- 

 demned it, intimating that it was very corrupt En- 

 glish, unscholarlike and vicious'''' — when he ought 

 ^o have known it was a technical miUfary phrase^ 



