A FOOTRACE 107 



my small daughter, while before her, scarlet of 

 neck, swollen of wattles, with every feather on 

 end, towered old Tom, furious and menacing. 



From the side porch the housemaid screamed 

 hysterical advice, and jumped up and down in 

 her excitement. 



I grabbed my trousers. They were wrong-side- 

 out, and I got stuck in them, and fell to the floor. 

 Gentle reader, did you ever try to pull on your 

 trousers while the house was burning, and when 

 the salvation of yourself or your loved ones de- 

 pended upon speed? Try it some time and see 

 how adroit you are. I threw them across the 

 room, got on one shoe, and was groping under 

 the bed for the other, when another cry of terror 

 electrified me, and I dashed for the stairs. 



" For heaven's sake, are n't you going to put on 

 some clothes?" screamed my wife; "the girl is 

 out there." 



" Damn the girl !" I snapped ; " if she can stand 

 there and see that gobbler scare Nath. to death, I 

 guess it won't hurt her to see me." And I shot 

 down the stairs like an Andover quarterback 

 going through a hole in the Exeter line. 



"The uniform 'e wore 

 Was nothin' much afore 

 An' rather less than 'alf o' that be'ind." 



I grasped a broom as I flew through the kitchen, 



