MILKING 155 



a fine spray all over me. The third did not mate- 

 rialize, because she side-stepped away from me 

 so suddenly that she broke my grip and I found 

 myself on all fours with my head in the milk- 

 pail. I arose and apostrophized her profanely, 

 then sat down and resumed practice. This time 

 I hit the pail twice before she swung around in 

 my direction and landed me, heels up. I arose, 

 smote her several thumps with the bucket, and 

 invented an entirely new cuss-word to suit the 

 occasion. 



Then I began, again taking the precaution to 

 sit as far from her rear elevation as possible. This 

 time she kicked me. It is astonishing how far 

 forward a cow can reach with her hind foot. I 

 retaliated with a drop kick in her stomach, which 

 sounded like a bass-drum. She made another 

 pass at me with her hind foot, but I saw it coming, 

 dodged, and punted her to the forty-five yard 

 line again, where she was held for downs. This 

 closed the first round with honors even. 



The next round commenced with both com- 

 batants feinting and dodging all over the ring. 

 I secured a strangle hold on her, and extracted 

 about a wine-glass full before she felled me to 

 earth and trod over my prostrate person. I was 

 not hurt, through that special providence that 

 watches over fools and drunken men, and it is 

 well known that I am a temperate man. 



