AMATEUR THEATRICALS 187 



stole a whole load of wood. He had just bought a cord of 

 it, and, poor man, he lost it all and he hunted but never 

 could find it. But poor man, he never lost hope and stuck 

 to it to the last that he would see that cord again. I hope 

 he did, poor man. But about this wedding, I do want 

 to buy something real simple. I do like simple things. 

 There are some people who want showy clothes and who 

 love to make a show, but I say, give me quiet tastes and 

 literary ability and I don't want nothin' else. When you 

 see flash people drivin' by in their stylish coops and but- 

 lers on the front seats, I say to myself, " Volumina Grandi- 

 flora, don't you never fret yourself one bit ; ain't it better 

 to be able to talk grammary and to be allitery than to 

 make a show ?" No, say I, you can have your butlers and 

 your rubber-wheeled carriages and your tigers, if you want 

 'em, though I never happened to see any tigers, although 

 I looked for them time and time again, and never see any- 

 thing more 'n some of them spotted damnation dogs. 

 P'raps them is what they meant. Have you read the 

 " Simple Life" by Wagner ? You know Wagner, of course, 

 the man who wrote Mendelssohn's Wedding March. I 

 thought I would read it and it would give me some idea of 

 what is the latest thing to do at weddings. Well, about that 

 present, a good broom, one of those quiet shiny ones 

 with a red label. Send it up, please. (Rises and departs, 

 while SEED, with his hand to his head, staggers to his desk 

 and begins charging up various articles to John L. Sullivan 

 and Wagner Dryden.) 



[Enter Miss MULLI GRUBBE and OLD LADY SNAPDRAGON. 

 Black shawls tigMy wrapped across their chests red 

 noses black lace-mitts with Jingers gone small black 

 straw hats or bonnets very erect. 



