298 



THE AMHIUVAM ilEhl- 



ing over m f.-r;;(;lul curves almost like 

 water. — St. Louis Republic. 



Forgot the Violets. 



Amoijp: the clurractcristics of Walter 

 Savage Landor, the famous author, 

 were his absei)tminrledncss and his pas- 

 siouate love for auimala and the vege- 

 table world. Ou one ccca.«iou, havirg 

 suffered not long before from leaving 

 the key of Lis i ortmanteau behind him, 

 he took special precautions before start- 

 ing on a journey to see that his keys 

 were in his jjocket. When, however, he 

 produced tin m in triumph at his jour- 

 ney's end, he found that he had left the 

 portmauterai behind. Landor, though 

 he often handled his fellow men some- 

 what roughly, hated to see an old tree 

 felled and even slirank from plucking a 

 rose. One morning he collared his man 

 cook and flung him out of the window. 

 Then, suddenly remembering on what 

 bed in the garden tlie man would fall, 

 the flower loving Landor exclaimed: 

 "Good heavens! 1 foigot the poor vio- 

 lets!" 



Macaulay's Wit. 



Macaula.v*, ^^]lo was in the habit of 

 shaving himself, and badly, too, it 

 would seem, tiuce patronized a first 

 class barber. After obtaining an easy 

 shave, he turned to the fonsorial artist 

 and inquired: 



"How much do I owe you?" 



"Whatever you have been in the hab- 

 it of giving the man who shaves you, 

 sir," replied the barber. 



"I generr.lly give him two cuts on 

 each cheek," replied the celebrated 

 English historian; "but you, sir, being 

 a superior workman, deserve to fare bet- 

 ter." — Washington Times. 



Failed but Once. 



"Don't be afraid. Comerightin. My 

 wife's out. Have a little^scmething? 

 Here's a nice quality of old" — 



"Good heavens, man! You've got the 

 wrong bottle! Look at that lable! Don't 

 you see it's marked 'Poison?' " 



"Oh, that's all right. That saves it 

 from the hired girl. My own invention, 

 you know. Clever, isn't it? Never fail- 

 ed but once. " 



"How was that?" 



"Hired girl couldn't read." — Cleve- 

 tand Plain Dealer. 



A good story is told of l\ n. 



Groei', a prominent lawyer < i. 



Once during a visit to bt. L^ ! d 



a severe attack rf tcoihachr. \ -.t 



a dentist's oui', e and was wv.x • , a 

 young man who was scrupuk.-os'y nrat 

 and clean. The latter bo\^ed suavely, 

 and the judge began : 



"I bdirve you profess to be ab'o to 

 extract teefh without p;.iu. " 



"Yos, sir, " was the reply, "and if 

 I don't do it I'll refund your moi:ey." 



The judge was seated in the operat- 

 ing chair, and the last thing he remrm- 

 bers was the dentist inserting a small 

 tube in his mouth. He got a dose of gas 

 and became unconscious. When he came 

 to, the young man was under a tal'le, 

 his erftwhile spotless shirt and collar 

 covered with blood and his clothes torn 

 almost beyond recognition. He was des- 

 perrtoly waving th3 judge off, saying 

 all the while: "Get out of here. Get 

 out or here. ' ' 



He seemed very anxious to have the 

 judge get out, but h.e couldn't be in- 

 duced to leave his retreat under the 

 table. 



"Why, young man, what's the mat- 

 ter?" asked the judge, who didn't un- 

 derstand the situation, in surprise. "If 

 I've d( ne anything, I'm willing to pay 

 for it.'' 



Ti;'' Toui g man obtruded his head for 

 a moment, glanced reproachlully about 

 at the demolished furjiiture and his own 

 sorry plight, wavered for a moment 

 and then exclaimed: "Pay hell! You 

 get cut of here!" 



It seem en that the jxtdge, under the 

 influence of the gas, had cleaned cut the 

 establishment, and the dentist didn't 

 get the teeth either. — Paducah Stand- 

 ard. 



An »Ma i-awn xicKec. 



An old pavN n ticket which has been 

 unearthed at Florence is creating ccn- 

 siderabJe gtir in tiie literary world. The 

 ticket was found in a curiosity shop in 

 a portfolio of drawings and old letters. 

 It runs as tcllows: "I, the undersign- 

 ed, herewith acknowledge the receipt of 

 25 lire from 8ignor Abraham Levi, for 

 which he holds as security a swoid of 

 my father, four sheets and tv,o table- 

 covers.— March 2, 1570. Torquato 

 Tasso. " 



