128 THE GREAT THIRST LAND. 



reverie with his whining, snivelling tongue, " Oh, Bass, 

 I am so hungry!" I should have liked to shove the 

 open telescope down his throat, and after it got safely 

 planted shut it up, he would then have something that 

 would stay his digestion a little longer than beef steaks 

 or mutton chops. 



Imp is commencing to be a good cook if he would 

 not get the meat so covered with ashes, but n'importe, 

 it is clean dirt ; he has also an objectionable habit of 

 licking his fingers after turning the beef steak or mutton 

 chop, and it strikes me forcibly that he turns them over 

 a very great deal oftener than is necessary. Eoasting 

 the potatoes Morris and I generally look after, also 

 decocting the coffee. 



If ever I should have a home and servants like 

 other folks, I shall insist that it be understood, when 

 engaging the cook, that I shall have free run and 

 use of my kitchen. A devilled kidney, a small piece 

 of tender loin steak, even an anchovy toast, cooked by 

 one's self at the most outre times, particularly when 

 it upsets all other persons' arrangements, is certainly 

 delicious. Try it, reader; but remember to do it on 

 the sly, not even telling the wife of your bosom. The 

 perfection of time for the experiment is about half- 

 past one in the morning, particularly if you have been 

 spending the evening at your club, and your wife is 

 fond of going to bed early. Slip into the house quietly: 

 of course you carry a latch-key ? it is scarcely necessary 

 to ask that question all men do. Having closed the 

 door by holding back the catch, and then letting it go 

 gently, for silence is the thing the utmost silence- 

 then take off your boots ; if you have slippers at hand 

 so much the better, but that is not all-important. 



