189'; 



THE AMERICAN BEE KEEPER. 



119 



and will probably get nothing but a 

 Scotch granite tombstone when she 

 dies. ' ' 



"Professor, if you was a younger 

 man, I would lick you quicker'n a 

 spring lamb can jump a thistle. " 



"What for? I am stating this case 

 fairly, am I not? Your wife is no longer 

 young. Sue is no longer handsome. Her 

 hands are as hard as a local editor's 

 cheek, and she has stooped over a milk 

 can until she has a hump on her back 

 like a peddler. ' ' 



"Shut up, will you?" 



"She has raised four children. One 

 of them is at college. One is taking mu- 

 sic lessons in Eoston. The other two are 

 teaching school. She is at home alone, 

 goiiig around in a treadmill life which 

 will end in a rosewood cofiin and a first 

 class country funeral" — 



"Stop that, professor, will you?" 



"While you are still a handsome 

 man, with just enough gray in your 

 whiskers to make you look interesting. 

 No doubt you have been thinking of 

 some nice young girl of 18 who would 

 jump at the chance to marry your 30 

 cows and 20 acres of hops. ' ' 



"Professor, I won't stay here if you 

 don't let up on that. " 



"And your wife does not look well in 

 that new Watertown wagon, so you 

 take your hired man and neighbor's 

 girls to meeting. Your wife never goes 

 anywhere, so you do not get her a watch 

 like your own, nor a new silk dress, nor 

 a pony that she could drive, nor a bas- 

 ket phaeton that she could climb into 

 without a ladder. She never says any- 

 thing, so you have not got her a set of 

 teeth like your own, gold and rubber, 



and her nose is puslied up into her fore- 

 head and her face wrinkles. She never 

 goes out. She has to work in the kitchen, 

 so she gets no nice shoes like yours. " 

 "Darn my skin if I don't" — 

 "No, you won't. You will just let 

 her work right along, and then you will 

 marry some high flier who will pull 

 every hair out of your head and serve 

 you right too. " 



"Professor, for mercy's sake, stop!" 

 "When you know, and I know, that 

 if your wife had a chance to rest and 

 had nice clothes like other women she 

 would be one of the best looking women 

 of her age in the town. ' ' 



'*I sWan 1 Delieve it. " 



"And, old as she is, if you were 

 to get out the carriage next Sunday 

 and drive around with the colts and 

 tell her you wanted her to go to meeting 

 with you. she would actually blush 

 with pleasure. " 



"Darned if I don't do it. " 



"Then, Monday, if you were to tell 

 her you were going to hire a girl, and 

 that she must sit in the sitting room by 

 the new nickel plated coal stove and 

 work on that new silk dress you are go- 

 ing to bu.v her" — 



"Prcfe.ssor, that's me. " 



"And then himd her a nice wallet 

 with steel clasps and with five nice new 

 $20 notes in it, and tell her to do her 

 own trading after this, because you 

 have got tired looking after so much 

 money. ' ' 



"I will, as sure as you live. " 



"And then, when the tear starts in 

 her eye, and the same old blush comes 

 out that you thought was so nice when 

 you went on that teeter to Albany, ii 

 you would kiss her" — 



"It's all right, professor." 



"Then, my friend, I should begin to 

 think she had made something by mar- 

 rying a rich man. ' ' 



"You're right, old man." 



"Then I think you wouldn't have a 

 miserable wife any longer. Then you 

 would no longer want to sell or rent the 

 farm, but would be showing the mother 

 of your children how much you respect- 

 ed her for her life of devotion. Then 

 she would know she was a partner in 

 that $30,000. Then, if you made your 

 will all right, and she had a good rest, 

 I think she would some time be an eli- 

 gible widow. " 



"Think so, professor?" 



"I know it. Woman is a plant that 

 wants sunshine. You have been leaving 

 your wife in the shade too much. She 

 has lost her color. You have made her 

 think she is an old woman. She ha.« 

 given up all hope of admiration and 

 love, and is only waiting to die and get 

 out of the way. Suppose you were treat- 

 ed. so?" 



"What me? I am all right. " 



"Yes, I know. Women pity you be- 

 cause you are tied to such a sorry look- 

 ing wife. Foolish old maids and silly 

 girls whisper behind your back what a 

 nice looking man you are, and what a 



