104 



NEW ENGLAND FARMER. 



[Oct. 21, 



lMIXSCEI.ZiANZZS. 



THE HAPPY LIFE OF AN ENGLISH PARSON. 

 Par-on ! these things in thy possessing-, 

 Are better than a bishop's blessing : 

 A wile that makes conserves ; a steed 

 That carries double when there's need ; 

 October store, and best Virginia, 

 Tithe pig, and mortuary guinea ; 

 Gazettes Eentgra*is down, and frank'J, 

 For which thy patron's weekly thank'd ; 

 A large concordfince, bound long yince ; 

 Sermons to Charles the First, when prince : 

 A Chronicle of ancient standing; 

 A Chrysostom to smooth — thy hand in : 

 The polyglot — three parts — my text, 

 Howbeit, -likewise — now to my nest : 

 Lo here the Septuagint, — and Paul, 

 To sum the whole, — the close of all. 



He that has these, may pass his life, 

 Drink with the squire, salute his wife, 

 On Sundays preach and eat his (ill ; 

 And fast on Fridays — if he will; 

 Toast church and queen ; explain the rows; 

 Talk with church wardens about pews : 

 Pray heartily tor some new gift. 

 And shake his head at Doctor Swift. 



I liis (iiocess by becoming a mender cT clocks and 

 ' watches ?'' The other with all humility answcr- 

 ! ed, — "To satisfy the wants of a wile and ton 

 I children !" " That wont do with me," rejoined 

 ! the prelate; "I'll inflict such a punishment on 

 lyoii, as shall make you leave off your [litiful 

 I trade, 1 promise yon;" and immediately calling 

 I in his Secretary, ordered him to make out a 



presentation for the astonished curate to a living 



of at least £160 per annum. 



THE pePlIocs of human life. 



Childhood, from 1 to 7 years — the r.ge of ac- 

 cidents, griefs, wants, sensibilitie-". 



Adolescence, from 8 to l-i — the age of hopes, 

 improvidence, curiosit'', impatience. 



Puberty, from 15 to 21 — of lriumph<,self love, 

 independence and vanity. 



Youth, from 22 to 28 — the age of pleasure, 

 love. Sensuality, inconstancy, enthusiasm. 



Manhood, from 29 to 35 — the age of enjoy- 

 ments, ambition, and the play ot the passions. 



Middle Age, from 36 to 42 — of consistency, 

 desire of fortune and of glory. 



Mature Age, from 43 to 49 — the aaje of pos- 

 sessions, the reign of wisdom, reason, and love 

 of property. 



Decline of life, from 50 to 5C — the age of re- 

 flection, love of tranqnility, Ibresight and pru- 

 dence. 



Commencement of Old Age, from 57 to CG — 

 the age of regrets, cares, inquietudes, ill temper, 

 and desire of ruling. 



Old Age, from 64 to 70 — the age of infirmi- 

 lies, exigencies, love of authority and submis- 

 sion. 



Decrepitude, from 71 to 77 — the age of ava- 

 rice, jealousy, and envy. 



Caducity, tVom 78 to C4 — the age of garrulity 

 and vainboasting. 



Age of favour, from 05 to 91 — the age of in- 

 sensibility, love of flattery, of attention and in- 

 dulgence. 



Age of wonder, from 92 to OG — the age of 

 indifference and love ol praise. 



Phenomenon, from 90 (o 105 — the age of in- 

 sensibility, hope, and the last sigh. 



Industry rewarded. — A proud Welsh 'squire 

 look it into his head lo be very angry with a 

 poor curate, who employed his leisure hours in 

 mending clocks and watches, and actually appli- 

 ed to Dr Shipley, bishop of St A^aph, with a 

 formal complaint against him for impiously car- 

 rying on .1 trade. iiis lordship having heard 

 the complaint, told the 'squire that he might 

 depend upon it, that the strictest justice should 

 be done in the case ; accordingly the mechanic 

 divine was sent for a low days alter, when the 

 bishoji asked him, "• How he dareil to disgrace 



Gen. Braddock. — It has been long n rumour 

 that Gen. Braddock was killed by one of his own 

 men. This is placed beyond doubt by the state- 

 ment of one who could not be misiaken. Brad- 

 dock during the battle in whicii he lost his life 

 ordered the provincial troops to forma column. 

 They rather chose the Indian mode of fighting, 

 from behind the shelter of a free. Braddock in 

 his vexation rode up to a man, by the name ol 

 Fawcet, and cut him down. I'liomas Fawcet, a 

 brother of the killed, learning the manner of his 

 death, ivafched the opportunity for revenge, and 

 shot Bradilork through the body, of which wound 

 he died. Thomas Fawcet is now, or was lately, 

 residing near Laurel Hill, and is about 95 years 

 of age. — A'etvburyport Herald. 



Price of Medicine. — A sailor having purchased 

 some medicine of a celebrated doctor, demand- 

 ed the price. " Why," says the doctor, " I 

 cannot think of charging you less than seven 

 and six pence." ' Well, I'll tell you what,' re- 

 plies the sailor. ' take offthe odd and 1 will pay 

 you the even.' ' We'l,' returned the doctor, 

 ' we don't quarrel about trifles.' The sailor 

 laid down six (lence and ^valked off, when the 

 doctor reminded him of his mistake. ' No mis- 

 take at all, sir, six is even, and seven is odd, all 

 the world over, so 1 bi<l you good day.' ' Gel 

 you gone,' said the doctor, ' I've made four 

 pence out of you yet.' 



Effects of Slavery., — Mr. Niles says that io 

 consequence of encouraging slavery, and dis- 

 cour.Tging free labor, "hundreds of thousands 

 of acres of land in ^'irginia and Maryland, over 

 which the |)lough has passed, are desolate 

 wastes, covered with briers and bushes and 

 stunted trees. — There is nothing like it in the 

 slates further east or west." He asserts that 

 the free labouring while population of Virginia 

 and Maryland are wretched and miserable, (ex- 

 cept in a few districts where labor is honorable.) 

 and that "you may visit whole families, not 

 one member of which can read and write" 



J\lanufactnrcs. — Niles' Register states that 

 one establishment in the United States is now- 

 printing calicoes at the rale of three millions 

 and a half of yards jier annum, and that another 

 makes annually four thousand dozen of spades 

 and shovels. 



Mr. Owen calculates that the quantity of man- 

 ufactures produced by British workmen, xvi'h 

 the aid of machines, woulil require rcilhont the 

 assistance of machinery, the latiour of lour hun- 

 dred millions of men. — Hampshire Gazette. 



The only surviving signers of the declaration 

 of independence are John Adams, of Massachu- 

 setts, Thomas .letTerson, of Vir?iuia, &, Charles 

 Carrol, of Maryland. Mr. Adams will have 

 completed his 90th year on the 3Uth insl. Mr. 

 Jeflerson is 85 or 86, and Mr. Carrol 88. 



Practical Juke. — Mr. S. a gentleman well 

 known for his hospitality, good humor, and love 

 of literature, lately invited four friends to dine 

 Ivriih him. One of the dishes happened lo con- 

 tain llifcc grouse, the first fruits ol the Highland 

 shnoliiig season, and the host told his Iriends he 

 j would show them how to make a lair division of 

 I three birds among fve people. Aildressing his 

 guests, then, by couples, he said, " There's one 

 I lor you tii)o, and theie's one for you tzi'o.''' — 

 j 'J'hen (dacing the third on his own plate, he ad- 

 ded, " And there's one for me too." 



Servnvt.^ — It was an observation of Elwes, 

 the noted mi'rr, " That if you keep o«e servant 

 your work will be done ; if you keep (ao, it will 



: be hall done ; and if you keej) three, you mtist 



1 do it youp'.cll.'' 



MLKI.NO SHht.P.— lor bale, sixty live Merino 

 shehp and lambs", of various ages from five months 

 j to fix ycais. This flock is of superior quality and in 

 I fine coiidiuon. 'i'he original stock was selected from 



the Montarco flock, a race highly prized in .'Spain and 



imported into this country by their present owner in 

 j IRI'i.'. Since then be has retained the choicest bucks 

 I and finest ewes to continue and improve the breed and 



has had the satisfaction to see shei p from this flo< k re- 

 j ceive premiums at the lirighton and othf rcattle shows. 



Ihc sheep farmer will find it for hi? interest to apply 

 I to E.H. Derby at Londonderry N. H.28 miles from 

 I lioston, or to I". II. Derby, jr. Boston. Si pi. 9. 



Dr Fellen, late Professor of Law, at the Uni- 

 versity of Brazil, (Switzerland) having been 

 obliged lo leave that chair on account of the 

 persecutions of the agents of the Holy Alliance, 

 has made application to the United States for 

 citizenship, and intends giving lecture^ on civil 

 law during ihe approaching winter, in Philadel- 

 phia. 



Si cam-Engine. — One of the largest steam-en- 

 gines now in use, is at Ihe United Mine, in 

 Cornwall, England.— It raises 80,000 pounds 

 100 feet high [ler minute, with about 30 pounds 

 of ccal per minute ; and is equivalent to about 

 the power of 250 horses. — Salem Gazette. 



Erie Canal. — It is oflicially announced that 

 the water will be let into the Erie canal on the 

 2Gth insl. at which time the grand celebration 

 is to commence at Bufl'alo. The salute is to be 

 tired from 32 pounders, at Butlalo, and continued 



to Albany, .300 miles, and immediately returned, J^^ ''!'*""«? ^. ^'"^ '.,">,f '.""'' "™ Y"''""'"' 

 ,. -' ,, ,. ,. ' ,, „,,„ -' .. ,, LB_J» Union Street, near the Union Stone, Keep con- 



making a line ol fire more than 700 miles.— /6. ,,^„j,j. „„ ,,^„j f„, ,^,p^ ^ g^,,^^,, „,5„rtment of furni- 

 ture, chairs, looking glasses, feathers of all kinds, tire 

 sets, brushes, l>ellows, &c. frc. 



Canals. — It is stated that 2500 men are em- 

 ployed (ni the Ohio canals; 1000 on Ihe canal 

 which is to connect the waters of (he Delaware 

 with those of the Hudson near Newlnirgh; and 

 700 on the Morris canal, which will cross the 

 northern part of New .lersey from the Dela- 

 ware to the Hudson. 



(f:^ Pulilished evi ry h riday, at 'I hrki; Lmu.i.ari 

 per annum, jiayabU: at the end of the year — but tho.«e 

 who pay witliin st.rty ditijs from the tiim of subscribinj 

 will be entilh d to a di durtion of 1 iirv Cents. 



Genthini n who procure yirc responsible subscribers* 

 are entitled lo a sutk volume grati.s. 



