(Sl)c Jarmer's iUontl)li) llisitor. 



23 



iilied by tlic food is diininislieM. Thc.«e obser- 

 vations" me as ujiplicable to domestic animals as 

 to ourselves, and tliev tcadi ilin liirnicr tlie ne- 

 cessity of nrovidiM}; comfortable sbelter lur liir< 

 stock. It lias been pioved by lepcated e\|)eri- 

 ments, lliat animals dnriii!; tlie winter season en- 

 tirely exposed to llie weather, do nut thrive as 

 well, nor keep in as fjood condition, as those 

 comfbriablv lionsed, althoiifih they consume Iroiii 

 'T) to 100 per e<;nt. tin; most food: thus shouins 

 ?he owners of stock that if they have not siifh- 

 cient mercy npon tlie dmnb beasts, to provide 

 them shelter for winter, their interests should 

 pron)|it them to do so. 



My Uncle Zephyrns. 



BY V E N F. T f A . 



Did 1 ever tell vnu niiy thins about niy uncle Zcphjrus, 

 wh..m we youn./pcnplo. that" is, my W.'«^-''y« >;"";•";;' 

 uiv hiu'liina brothers and my merry sell, used to call the 

 .. kau or .Sentiment" ? As 1 sometimes like to no e the 

 peculiarities of dislinquislied personages. I will allnmp 

 to relate,— though not in " pure, /Vddisoni.ni prose, as it 

 is said the •' Man ol Feeling" was written.-some o( the 

 characteristics of my relative. 



Zephvrus was not his real name, though he strenuously 

 insisted on bcin? so called. His family name was bticks; 

 n most absurd one to be sure. Indeed, every one ou^ht 

 to be truly thankful that his name is not Ichabod Slicks. 

 So was my worthy uncle christened and so was he desig- 

 nated through the years of infancy and childhood and 

 till he was laroe enough to doff a short spencer and chip 

 hat for a swallow-taded coat and black beaver, then 

 his spirit rebelled againstso ludicrous an appoUatum and. 

 when his sensible fflher refused him the lavor of applying 

 to the Stale Legislature for an rdteration ol his n:.me rom 

 Ichabod Sticks.'^Jun. to Francisco Marmaduke Welling- 

 ton, he determined, if he must bear the cognomen Sticks, 

 it should be coupled with something more classical.— 

 Stiix was classical 'tis true, but Sticks reminded one ol 

 splinters and straws, said the unlucky youth. Therelore, 

 from all words, ancient and modern, sacred and protane, 

 he selected Zephyrus, which lie considered extremely 

 t,i.lelul. iVe usuallv called him by the chosen name, be- 

 cause he was always 'so good-humored and spice.l his lol- 

 lies and whims with so many ple.isantries, we could do 

 no le^s than indulge him in this harmless wish ; but many, 

 in fact, nearly all of his acquaintances termed him simply 



The youn" man seemed always unhappy. He possessed 

 such a mawkish sensibility that nothing of every-day lite 

 pleased him. With a decided aversion to the common- 

 place realities of existence, he was ever soaring away Iroin 

 ordinary pursuits and the pleasures within the reach ol 

 every one who is able to appreciate them^n search ot 

 happiness more refined and senlimental. The miseries 

 of human life, harped on by writers from the days ol Ur. 

 Johnson downwards, to him consisted, in being summnn- 

 ed from the contemplation of Milton's beauties to partake 

 of a substantial dinner of baked pudding and beans ; or 

 while ".i-iing with rapt eye upon the lorms ol lading 

 clouds and purple clouds and leaden-coored clouds in 

 bein-r called by the shrill voice of his hale lather to help 

 the vvork-lulks get in the last load of hay to save it Irom 

 a threatening ihower ; or while admirmg picturesque 

 scenery, drawing down poetry from the azuio heavens, 

 peoolin" the landscape with g.illant men and beautilul la- 

 dies, and listening to music of his own creation in be- 

 comin» suddenly conscious that earth is not Paradise by 

 the siAt of a bare-footed co,v-boy, who by vocilerating 

 nt the°top of his voice at once destroys the charm. 



Tlie or-cupation which has been honorable ever since the 

 days when ••.\dam delved and Eve spun," was suitable 

 business for sordid-souled beings, but seemed too degra- 

 din" for him. Had he lived in the days ol Locke and 

 Shal'lcsbury he would undoubtedly have been one ot the 

 chosen imiriffruLfs under their Utopian system of govern- 

 ment in the newly planled colonies of Carolina. He would 

 perform no kind of manual labor, not because he lacked 

 strength, and generally not from inability, but lor the very 

 good "reason that it was beneath his dignity. He lanciecl 

 he was born with a soul more lofty than the niass of peo- 

 ple and wished to become a second Walter Kaleigh ; al- 

 tpr'reveUing for awhile in the splendor ol his imaginary 

 El-Dorado, the brilliant illusion was dispelled only to give 

 place to another; he dreamed r.f De Soto and the immor- 

 tal honor winch would accrue to the discoverer ol the 

 '• Fount,ain of Eternal Vouth ;■' then, when fully persuad- 

 ed of the utter impossibility of ever realizing these chi- 

 meras, he dwelt on the rising fame of Scott, and believed 

 he should be able to out-rival the "Magician ot the iY.rth. 

 Such were his day-dreams. So, scorning the idea ol 

 bronzing bis delicate complexion on the green ineadows 

 of the Connecticut under a July sun, or soiling his lady- 

 like hands in shovelling dirt from a sand-baok for the very 

 useful, thou-h to him seemingly contemptible purpose ot 

 repairin.' roads and bridges, he passed his time among Ins 

 books, of which he was passionately lonil, or in w-alking 

 about with his arms folded philosophically on his breast. 

 Grandfather Sticks said it was of no more use to urge 

 him to r!o anything against his own inclination than to try 

 to drive a contrary pig, for he was ol' Dr. I'ranklin s opin- 

 ion that " spitting against the wind is only spitting in one s 

 own face." After various cogitations on the subject ol 

 Ichabod's settlement for life, he concluded as he had sev- 

 eral smart active sons to assist him in the field, and a set 

 of hoppfnl grand-children springing up around him who 

 could do the "chores," he would send Ick to college, 

 calculalin" like many New-England farmers generally 

 considered sensible and judicious, though strangely de- 

 ceived in this particular, that a young man who is too proud 

 and too indolent to learn a trade or work on a farm might 



make an excellent minister. Mistaken man ! His erro- 

 neous plans were defeated liy the very individual lor whose 

 benefit they were intended. Mr. Zephyrus positively re- 

 fused to take upon himself the duties of the sacred call- 

 ing, observing that the scri|)tures v/liich were so plain that 

 " the wav-faring man though a foul need not err therein, 

 required'no e.tplnnation irom him. Law was then pro- 

 posed, but the imaginative youth said it was too abstruse. 

 Besides, its technicalities and dry details were so tedious 

 and disagreeable, that he feared he should liecoirie a mo- 

 nomani.ic before he could wade through Coke and Black- 

 stone and the various tomes, over which so many students 

 have burned "the midnight oil." Lastly, the study ol 

 medicine wa,» su'-ested. but the bare menlum ol it jarrecl 

 his whole nervous system. He had familiarized himsell 

 with the noted" mediciner," Henbane Dvvinmg, and other 

 worthies of a similar character, so as to have lormed an 

 unyielding prejudice against their profession. It the old 

 ncntleman had not felt rather impatient and Iretlu he 

 would not have attempted to make a physicim ol Ichabod, 

 lorol all beings in the world, he knew that a country 

 " Doctor" required not only strong nerves but caution and 

 self-possession, which his volatile son most lacked. 



" It will bo of no use to send him to college." said grand- 

 father in despair, " for learning is not of inuch use to any 

 body that don't mean to get a living by it." 



liut Zephyrus had such an e.iger desire to " get an edu- 

 cation," that his father finally consented to let him go to 

 an academy, two or three quarters, which would be doing 

 pretty well for a farmer's boy who ought not to expect 

 more schooling than eiilit weeks in the winter season, 

 from which eight weeks five might be deducted lor lime 

 spent in chopping, sledding and other winter work. He 

 at first felt very sad at the thought of leaving home and 

 extremely sensitive about coming in contact with thoEo 

 who had enjoyed superior advantages, and doubtlul about 

 his ability to fight his way among them, but alter hearing 

 the partin'^ advice of his venerable father, he was some- 

 what cheered, and having arranged his aUairs, which was 

 no small task, for his trunks and boxes of papers and books 

 to say nothing of a cabinet of curiosities and botanical 

 specimens, nearly filled grandlatber's great garret,— bade 

 adieu to his friends and left us for the hall ol science. 



Ichabod remained at school three terms, and returned 

 rather more accomplished and gentlemanly, and with a 

 smattering of ancient and modern lore. The trying ques- 

 tion about his future life was now to be considered. VVhat 

 could he do for a living 1 He had gained some new ideas, 

 but they only served to increase his aristocratic notions 

 about work ; he made strange observations about the sor- 

 did and sentimental elements of creation, and startling 

 distinctions between the vulgar and genteel. But animal 

 life must be sustained. No man, however sensitive or 

 imaginative, can live on air. He was too generous to 

 wish to avail himself of the hard earnings ol his lather, 

 and really wished for some respectable mode ol gaining a 

 subsistence for himself. But it was a difficult task to find 

 the business exactly suitable, and if it could have been 

 found he was so wavering that he would have been una- 

 ble to •• settle himself" to any advantage. Afler giving 

 him advice which would fill an octavo volume, Mr. Sticks 

 left him to follow his own inclination. 



A very amusing account of his various plans and schemes, 

 his attempts and failures, for three or four years, might 

 bo written, which coidd terminate very aptly by sundry 

 words of counsel to lh.= "rising generation" on the utility 

 of perseverence and stability of character, unless the au- 

 thor should be incompetent for discoursing on those ex- 

 cejlencies, being like myself better acquainted with the 

 theorvthan pMCtice. But as the task of detailing his 

 eccentricities may devolve on a more able biographer, 1 

 will merely narrate some of his actions after his twenty- 

 third year. About that time a book-seller, a Iriend ol the 

 family consented to receive him into his store, piobnbly 

 out of kindness to Mr. Sticks, for from the various stories 

 in circulation about the youth's versatility, he could not 

 have expected in the person of Zephyrus a very v.iluable 

 acquisition. The old gentleman very mildly but serious- 

 ly be""ed of his son to attend steadily to his business, 

 and fo^a few days his counsel was remembered, lor .Zeph- 

 yrus performed all the duties devolving on him, to the 

 satisfaction of the individual with whom he was connect- 

 ed But one day before the close of the first week he 

 was not to be lound, just at a time when his services were 

 most needed, nor did he make his appearance till the hour 

 of iwiliaht. and then in a mood so abstracted as Ki be un- 

 able to give any satisfactory account ot himself I he next 

 niornintr he was again unaccountably missing, but his em- 

 ployer succeeded in tracing him to a small chamber in 

 the attic, where he was found sealed in an old rocking- 

 chair, his feet comfortably rested on a neighboring table, 

 completely absorbed in the second volume ol " 1 haddeus 

 of Warsaw V This way of spending his time, however 

 acrrecable to himself, was far from being so to the boys- 

 seller, who, finding all attempts to interest the new clerk 

 in the duties of the store, inefi-eclual, dismissed him with 

 a message to his father, saying young Sticks might be an 

 excellent and rapid reader, but would not sell a book in 

 six months. In his most atientive and collected moments 

 Zephyrus would not have known a half-dime Irom a hait- 



''"o^eat was the grief of grandfather and greater the grief 

 of Zeohyrus, hut his sorrow arose from a lar ditlcrent 

 source. Unlike his prudent parent, he gave hardly a 

 thou'dit to the money which might have been earned, ex- 

 pcctuig to go through this buying and selling wor Id willi- 

 out troubling himself about matters so small as dollars and 

 cents; but the rich, intellectual feast— lor besides being 

 the repository of a circulating library, that qui^ntessence 

 of the literature of the land, the store cimtained the usual 

 assortment of books, classical, historical and dramatic,— 

 was a loss for which he was inconsolable. 



Nearly a year passed away before my uncle decided up- 

 on a new kind of business or my grandfithcr proposed 

 anything which was agreeable to him. The lile ot a tra- 



veller offered much that was interesting to one of a r 

 mantle temperament, and Zephyrus happily thought he 

 should like to ramble over the country as an agent lor 

 periodicals and maps. So, with a few specimens ol a 

 magaianc just published, carefully arranged in a port-lolio, 

 and with a roll of maps nndc his arm, he set out on his 

 peregrinations. The young man himself was ve^y san- 

 l.uinS but no other one of the family expected that he 

 would be successful, therefore, no one was surprised to 

 see him about three weeks after his departure, slowly 

 wending his way up the hill to our house, his clothes soil- 

 ed and dusty, his countenance pale and dejected and his 

 whole pcrs.in bespeaking the weary traveller. 1 oor let- 

 low ' While detailing to us, before he commenced his 

 wanderings, the pleasure he anticipated from the fine vieWB 

 which he expected to sketch lor our admiring eyes, he had 

 not thou"ht that a |7cdeetrian would find the showers which 

 "ave such beauty to a niiirmuring brook or a winding riv- 

 er, extremely uncomfortable. Campbell's line, 



•' 'Tis distance lends cnchantmenl to the view," 

 had probably never occurred to him when talking of the 

 blue hills and dusky mountains, which "'hie seen at a 

 distance are sublime features in a landscape, ^"1 when we 

 find that their summits are to be attained by toilsome la- 

 bor lose atleasl half their charm. Uncle Zephyrus learn- 

 ed Ui:it Ih.re are real miseries and that they »re /-"^ '» 

 be borne by one who had never duelt on any othortlian 

 imaginary ones. He was remarkably neat m his personal 

 appearance, and found that rains are ruinous to starched 

 cravats and linen wristbands, and that dust makes sad hav- 

 oc with black broadcloth and polished boots. Moreover 

 his constitution was far from robust and he could ill bear 

 the fatigues attendant upon his voi-ation. 



A sililation was olfered him in the shop ol an engraver 

 soon alter this disappointment, and Zephyrus entered zeal- 

 ously into new plans for acquiring an honorable mainten- 

 ance ! would by no means have you suppose that my 

 uncle served an apprentieeship-lhat would have b«n too 

 yuTgar but he fortunately aided in son^e of the work which 

 he considered very respectable, for which service he re- 

 ceived regular wages. ■ Instead of taking the pay due to 

 hfm at a "tated tim'e, in money, he had some engravings 

 of a "flame" of his prepared, which he sent home, and 

 wh'ch so enraged his fatlier that be not only reques ed 

 tat positively commanded him to return. Zephyrus ke 

 a dutiful son came, and received a severe '"ePJimand I om 

 his incensed parent, who now began seriously to fear that 

 I bod lacked nol'only common ^onse but sense of any 

 kind Though he was now old enough to decide lor liim- 

 self the old 'gentleman spoke authoritatively >b°"t* "d- 

 ino- the hi<.h-spiriled youth to a shoematier or a saddler 

 bu°t he made sich solemn promises of amendment, that 

 ^I'Ltber yielded,-as mdnlgont fathers always will, to 

 ^he humors /f a favorite child. Zephyrus had discovered 

 a mine of talent, and assured his anxious lamily that he 

 budded to become a celebratedaiithor ; but if s doubt- 

 u whether the elders would have iia.d much attention to 

 his had it not been for the entreaties ol three or tour 

 voung people who regarded their unfortunate relative with 

 TfeeUng of sympathy, and very demurely pointed to pass- 

 ages in L lives of a'few great men. showing conclusively 

 that eccentricity is an accompaniment of geniu=. f er- 

 ua ion from Ihe^mall folks induced the seniors to look 

 with a p ving eye on the erratic propensities ol the young- 

 est son"^ who wL forthwith allowed a room in the second 

 "ory of the farm-honse where he located himself for the 

 Duroose of attending to his literary pursmts. The under- 

 S?ng Ihroughourthe family was, that he was engaged 

 tn some great undertaking, and there was a general won- 

 der amofg the members as to what the volume would be 

 which would eventually make its appearance with the 

 sta ding name of Mr. Zephyrus Sticks on the lille page. 

 Tha he might devote hin.self to bis duties without in er- 

 rupt on, no one intruded into his " sanctum," as the chil- 

 dren w eked imps, called his place ol retirement 



Bu't I notwithstanding the daily performance of unro- 

 mantic labor, such as iif.lking cows, churning b""" =>"" 

 spinning wool, was a f.vorile with my uncle, 1 ll^rdly^now 

 vihv unless because 1 had a lancilul name-(l hope yoo 

 wMnol think me egotistical if the great; personal pronoun 



les occasionally g^eet )— ey^)--" P^d'^at'enTy'to 

 svmnathised in all his sorrows and listened patiently to 

 all h^s tales However this might be, 1 sometimes took 

 Jhel he fy of looking into his study, where 1 usually 

 found bin %acing back and forth vvith a pen and manu- 

 cript in h s' hand, his eyes " in a fine frenzy rolling. - 

 Without paying much attention to his appearance, 1 made 

 rnvsell at h"™^. "'"""^ "'" ''alf-finished sketches of hi, 

 beU,ved!and the'more a'ttractive objects, two Canary birds, 

 and one pet spaniel that guarded the entrance to his re- 

 Jreat A liarp, that he had obtained by some means, no- 

 bodvknewhow, was flung carelessly on the floor, and 

 snriffs of myrtle geraniunrieaves and withered ro^^s lit- 



in these matters- peeped from his books, 

 '"Mcntrme he ha'd fa'llen in love and between love and 

 literature there was danger of his being ruined. How he 

 wouTd have succeeded in the IV'^'/'f,' m i"nXed"tS 

 prosperous, 1 know not, but to his day 1 am "'=b"<'^ \° 

 believe that the muse did not olten descend to this aspl 



!r-^— !-i^rTh;\x;5iS^ 

 srht^'^^;^:o^*^r"^:;'^>o::^^vov^r5i 

 Sifi^^r^r^.;s^Hl£ 



,.el Grey was the name, and she who bortwas^aj^^^ 



two merry hazel eyes, and ^.■"'^^hievo^^ c«rl of th_e^pre^^ 



tiesl pair of lips in the world. A beauty snew 



Isabel Grey. Every girl of her acquaintance loved Her, 



