14 FACTS A(iAlNST IICTION. 



my work, 1 iiuist puss over soiiio few theories on 

 iintural lilstoiy <4*oii(n'aHy, and oriiitliology in par- 

 ticular; l)ut tlio Darwinian theory ^' On Heads" is 

 sucli a stmuhliiii^'-block in my way to truth, that it 

 must b(^ iu)IIc(hI. 



lie tells us that our a])e-like progenitors acquired 

 their beards as an ornament to charm the opi)Osite 

 sex, and transmitted them lo man as lie now exists. 

 This, accordiiig to all ]ny (^x])erieuce, is an utterly 

 wild and nonsensical theory. If the express })ur- 

 pose of the nuin-ap[)roacliing monkeys of the rising 

 world had been to acquire that which wouhl most 

 captivate the feminine eye, hair would never have 

 been cultivated on the chins and faces of om* parental 

 precursors. On the contrar}', their minds would 

 have been set on tiie culture of better legs — ''those 

 twin invaders of domestic peace," as the inimitable 

 ''Boz" has termed them. From all the observa- 

 tions I have been able to make on surrounding- 

 society, mupiestionably a good leg is more ca])ti- 

 vating to the fenude heart than the most bearded 

 chin or the best-trained moustache, often cultivated 

 only to conceal some defect of mouth, teeth, or 

 expression. 



In my time, monarchs ruled the uniform of the 



