42 RUBBER PLANTING IN CEYLON 



"You couldn't have cane-bottomed chairs in a railway station in 

 America, now, could you?" said he to me. 



"Why not?" I asked, much surprised. 



"On account of the extraordinary habit you Americans have of 

 standing on chairs, and making stump speeches," he responded with con- 

 viction. 



That he was in dead earnest, and that no denial of mine would 

 affect his belief, one look at his countenance showed. It seemed a pity 

 that he should not add to his store of knowledge along that line, so I 

 said carelessly : 



"That, of course, used to be so a few years ago. Indeed, it was a 

 great nuisance. In public and private, at the theatre, at concerts, at 

 receptions, even in church, stump speakers would suddenly mount chairs 

 and harangue all in .sight. It was a disease, you know, caused by a 

 germ that was bred in the cotton fields of New Hampshire.* 7 



"Fancy!" gasped my listener. 



"Oh yes, pure and simple," I continued (referring to his exclama- 

 tion). The germ is known as the Septennis vociferens, and I may say 

 modestly that it was due to a little invention of my own that it is no 

 longer feared in America." 



"How interesting! And pray what was your invention?'* 



"Is it possible that you never heard of Pearson's Patent Orator 

 Discourager?" I asked with pained surprise. "It sold very well; indeed, 

 I made a comfortable sum out of it. Quite simple it was, but it did the 

 work. It was, in a word, a semi-spherical rubber spring, so placed 

 beneath the chair bottom that when one tried to step there, he was 

 instanly thrown over backwards, the shock killing the germ, but rarely 

 injuring the man. If, however, one sat in the chair, the spring had no 

 effect." 



"Very ingenious ! A most excellent device ! I congratulate you !" 

 exclaimed my listener, warmly. "Of course, it was only useful in your 

 own country." 



"I was coming to that. Having sold all I can in America, I am now 

 about to prepare a foreign market for it." 



"But but no one makes stump speeches here, for instance !" he 

 said. 



"Ah, that's just it. They don't now, but they will. Our laboratory 

 is working night and day producing healthy cultures of the germ. I am 



