334 REMINISCENCES OF A HUNTSMAN. 



my reader in no jocular vein) have caused more 

 matrimonial unhappiness than any other kind of 

 instrument known, and that is saying something ; 

 and I am aware of many ladies wdio have let the use 

 of the harp and pianoforte fall, rather than have to 

 bear the sharps and flats — please ye, married gentle- 

 men, be not angry, I apply these words to the gamut, 

 not to you personally — misplaced by their husbands, 

 as well as the erroneous notes and false concords, or 

 indeed no concord at all, to which they were subjected, 

 bearino; all the blame the while for their commission. 

 Were I advising young ladies as well as gentlemen, I 

 should bid them ascertain, as one ol' the chief points 

 of domestic felicity, if their admirers played on any 

 wind instruments, or moved the bowels of fiddles into 

 uncompassionate strains; and if they discovered that 

 they either straddled around a double base or violon- 

 cello, induced from the fiddle noises runninir from 

 the gruff grunt of a sow in farrow up to the djang 

 shrieks of a shrill house mouse, or made wry faces 

 over a flute, why I would have every proposition for 

 an espousal refused, or else the swain should submit 

 to his catgut, flute and horn being stringently bound 

 up from use or abuse in the marriage settlements. 

 Heroes or admirers ought not for their own sakes to 

 play on horns or flutes ; the first makes them resemble 

 tEoIus or the personification of the stormy south 

 wind, and the second takes from the divine image 

 every look of wisdom, while the tongue twiddles with 

 a little hole for the lips to whistle through, the eyes 

 on each occasion, as well as the hue of the cheeks and 

 size of the temporal arteries, indicating a near approach 

 to apoplexy. My friend Lord Arundel is a very fine 

 musician playing beautifully on several instruments, 



