GUARDS. 367 



equal to their duty, only go moderate distances — say 

 from sixty to eighty miles, when they are relieved by 

 others. Those on the long stages are in my opinion 

 imposed upon by their masters, and, by being made to 

 do more than they are equal to, are half their time 

 asleep. Many of them are two nights up for one in bed ; 

 therefore this is only the natural consequence. They go 

 from London to Exeter, and Shrewsbury, and other 

 places equally distant, without stopping more than three- 

 quarters of an hour on the road, which in bad weather is 

 a punisher. Indeed I have often felt sorry for guards ; 

 and, much as I may be awake to these matters, have 

 been at a loss to know how they always contrive to live. 

 Starting with perhaps an almost empty coach, on a frosty 

 night, to go one hundred and sixty miles, is a hard 

 undertaking of itself ; but to drink against four coachmen 

 (and they must take their allowance), on that length of 

 ground, with nothing to pay for it, is one still harder. I 

 have, however, a word to say about these said guards, 

 which may not be ill-timed — I mean those on stage- 

 coaches. 



Were I travelling by a stage-coach, to which there 

 was one of those appendages called guards, and were 

 I of that description of passenger so well defined by Mr. 

 Liston in the play — who tells him, ' Remember it is 

 hoptionaV — I might also say to him when he kicked me 

 for my money, what have I to remember you for ? How- 

 ever, to render the matter plainer, let us reduce this to a 

 dialogue, and picture to ourselves a passenger at supper 



