368 ANNALS OF THE ROAD. 



on a pair of hot roasted fowls — being their second ap- 

 pearance in that character — when in walks the guard : — 



Guard — ' Please to remember the guard, sir.' 



Passenger — ' Certainly (Mr. Sheridan would have 

 said), for it is impossible to forget that phiz of yours. 

 But what have I to remember you for ? ' 



Guard — ' For taking care of your luggage, sir.' 



Passenger — ' I wanted no one to take care of my 

 luggage ; the proprietors, your masters, are answerable 

 for that' 



Guard — ' I know they are, sir ; but I hope you will 

 remember me for taking care of yourself! 



Passenger — ' Oh, that is another part of speech ; but 

 pray what had you to protect me with ? ' 



Guard — ' My horn, sir.' 



Passenger — ' What ! have you no fire-arms ? ' 



Guard — ' No, sir.' 



Passenger — ' Then on what pretensions do you call 

 yourself a guard ? You resemble what we call in Latin 

 lucus a nan lucendo! 



Here then ends the dialogue ; but, joking apart, this 

 matter of the guard without fire-arms is nothing less 

 than a tax on the public, which the public have no right 

 to pay. Let the guard be provided with proper fire- 

 arms, and he might be equally entitled with the coach- 

 man to his fee ; but without them he is a mere nonentity, 

 and very often deprives the coachman (who does some- 

 thing for his money) of his clue ; for some passengers do 

 not like being kicked twice in the same place. The 

 attack made on the Hereford 'Champion' coach last 



