sat down ii the center-field and made my mark, to the great delight of 

 the college boys, whose taskmaster I was; when I have been walking 

 through the college campus with my Horace Greeley hat set jauntily on 

 my intellectual forehead ; when my shoulders have been stooped under 

 life's onerous loads; when I have been going to the train with coat-tail 

 horizontal and legs vainly beating the air ; when I have been on this 

 farm with my overalls on and hay-seed in my hair; when I have been 

 talking to a lady with whom the head of our house had forbidden me to 

 hold dialogue ; and this villain has moreover sent the head of our house 

 the picture (villain! villain!). In short, there is no time when he should 

 not have kodaked me when he did not do it, and no time when he 

 should have done so that he did so. The kodak microbe is a demor- 

 alizing microbe, in my observation, and makes for total depravity. The 

 last wickedness this man was guilty of was putting the sun up to take 

 my picture when I was in the mild act of appeasing my hunger at noon 

 in the woods. This is the picture he took. When we (the other man 

 and I ) suggested that if a picture was to be thought of the villain should 

 be in it, he said that much as he desired to be taken with us nothing 

 could induce him to because he had to pull the trigger. He was the 

 sportsman, we the game. This seemed candid. We (the victim and 

 myself, both good men, he a banker and I a minister) suspected no 

 lurking animosity. The villain looked pious (he always does ; that is, 

 he looks as if he was either at his devotions or going to them) and took 

 the picture, but when the proofs were forthcoming gloated over us like 

 Mr. Poe's raven on the pallid bust of Pallas, saying, "I would not be in 

 the picture. Nothing would induce me. I am a temperance man;" 

 and then, with Mephistophelian finger pointed to the water-cruse in the 

 ioreground, which, through his viciousness (the jug was his), was in our 

 midst. "A Sunday-school superintendent," he said for my friend the 

 banker is a pious man on Sunday "and a preacher and a jug ha! ha! 

 ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! ha! " Some people think there is no 

 .sin, and that wickedness is a piece of imagination. They do not know 

 the villain or they would believe in sin and the father of it. I would not 

 exonerate him from any evil design. Nothing will tempt me to put 

 confidence in him. He is well connected, and is a man of brains, but 

 neither ancestry nor culture avails in his behalf. He is undeniably wicked 

 .and refuses a work of grace, and will not attend a revival. He is a 

 biologist, an ornithologist, an entomologist, and I would not put it past 

 him to practice vivisection on me. I would not feel surprised if he 



208 



