CASE HISTORIES 15 



touching him. That was a headbull. He himself was a bullprick ; 

 once in a street car he bulled the other passengers, men and 

 women, till they nearly had orgasms. Then he got scared and 

 feared they might see something queer in him. 



In another talk he showed insight and volunteered that these 

 bull incidents might have been only imagination. " My thoughts 

 are lewd. I have a lot of fear, I don't know what of. I'm 

 like this" (making a gesture indicating vacillation and instabil- 

 ity). The fear was evident. He had a constant fine tremor 

 and when spoken to suddenly or told that someone wished to 

 see him, he would tremble visibly. 



Fantasies: Thoughts both pleasant and distressing intruded 

 constantly into his mind. Our talks were badly interrupted by 

 these excursions into fantasy. When they were agreeable he 

 smiled or even laughed aloud, but when they met resistance he 

 became frightened and excited, often pacing the floor and trying 

 desperately to find something to divert his attention from the 

 painful subjects. This explains his statement, "When I'm in 

 motion, it takes away the fear. Fear is caused by what other 

 people think of me or want to do to me. I called on the Maker to 

 remove the fear." 



The Maker was the All-powerful, the Creator of all. This 

 idea was of great emotional importance to him. He took Maker 

 for his middle name, calling himself John Maker Carhart, and 

 every letter home began with the set phrase, "Just a few lines 

 to hope you are in the way of the Maker, and well, and happy." 

 Every day he wrote a letter to each of his parents. This pre- 

 occupation with the Creator looked like an attempt to sublimate 

 his creative libido in religion. 



As a child he had many fear dreams. One was of running 

 down a street with fear coming down out of the sky ; the world 

 seemed to be coming to an end. Others were of falling off high 

 places. Recent fear dreams were of men shooting him below 

 the umbilicus. The night nurse said he trembled in bed as if 

 having a chill, pinched himself and hunted in his clothes as if 

 looking for bugs or lice. In the daytime he grabbed at his 

 trousers and said there were snakes in them. 



